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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122779">Detachable Penis</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornWild/pseuds/ThornWild'>ThornWild</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Difference, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Consent is Sexy, FTM, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Gender Dysphoria, Grief/Mourning, Johnny remains as ever a bro, Johnny's a bro, Johnny's still a bro, Light Angst, Loss, M/M, More angst, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, PWP, Post-Canon Fix-It, Rimming, Sex, Sex Toys, Singing, Spanking, Stars ending, There's a little bit of plot, Trans Character, Trans V (Cyberpunk 2077), Universal Converter Kerry Eurodyne, Universal Converter V, Universal Converters, Vaginal Sex, Vers Kerry Eurodyne, Vers V, boat drinks, lighting shit on fire, minor identity crisis, now with 50 percent more plot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:47:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29122779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornWild/pseuds/ThornWild</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It’s been a while since I’ve had this conversation; since I’ve had a partner with whom it needed to be had. ‘I just . . .’ And it tumbles out in the least graceful of ways. ‘I left my dick at home.’</i>
</p><p>———— </p><p>Started as my take on the sex scene during Boat Drinks, as well as some aftermath. Has evolved. I don't even know what this is anymore. Continues into the Stars ending and beyond.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Johnny Silverhand &amp; Male V, Johnny Silverhand &amp; V, Kerry Eurodyne/Male V, Kerry Eurodyne/V</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>143</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Detachable Penis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, this started with me wondering what they could do with pack and play type packers in a cybernetic world. This is my first Kerry/V story and it's been a while since I've written any smut that's fit to be seen, so go easy on me. lol</p><p>Title shamelessly stolen from <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4">a song by King Missile</a>. The story isn't really as funny as the title would imply, but I couldn't help myself.</p><p>Small note for those who don't know: Biodick is a word commonly used to refer to a trans masculine person's clitoris when it's grown due to testosterone use.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Made a few edits. Added a pic, cause I'm addicted to photo mode.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<hr/><p>He plays for me, humming along with the melody. Waves break lazily against the side of the yacht as it moves along down the bay at a leisurely pace. I lean back in my seat and just watch him, listen to the sound of his voice. Always liked that voice. Always listened when it came up on the radio.</p><p>Kerry keeps playing while we talk, that same melody looping around, while he talks about life’s loops and how one cycle finishes so another can begin or some crap his guru (seriously? Guru?) has told him. Still, I listen. He says he needs me here with him, and something stirs inside me. And just when I think I’ve figured him out, he gets up and smashes this almost one-of-a-kind guitar against the deck. Leads me inside the cabin and starts smashing up the place like it’s the most natural thing in the world. It’s not his boat.</p><p>It’s Kovachek’s, his lying, manipulative manager, and I figure, okay. I’ll help him. Johnny’s ecstatic at this turn of events and watches eagerly while I help Kerry utterly destroy the place.</p><p>‘Come help me with this!’ Kerry says, trying to break off some kind of lever on the wall. I grab it and we both pull.</p><p>We fall into each other as the lever breaks, and I can’t help but kiss him. Again. The one at Dark Matter was pure instinct. This is . . . something more. It’s weird, how drawn I am to him. Kerry’s old enough to be my grandpa. Not that he looks it, or acts like it. Cybernetics will do that; age really <em>is</em> just a number these days.</p><p>I can feel his tongue in my mouth, his breath on my skin. I pull him against me, hold him, run my fingers up his back and neck and into his white hair.</p><p>Kerry pulls back a little, biting his lip and smiling. He turns, puts on the radio, starts dancing, and that should feel cringey, but it doesn’t. Not even a little. Kerry’s hot. His narrow waist and lean, smooth body. His eyes, the crow’s feet that form around them when he smiles. Soft, brown skin, and I need to touch, so I do, pull him into me again, kiss his lips, his bearded jaw, his neck. He pulls my pierced earlobe into his mouth in turn and I grunt. ‘Shit, Ker . . .’ My voice comes out breathless.</p><p>I can hear his smile. ‘You into that?’</p><p>Swallowing, I nod. ‘Yeah.’ He does it again, sucking and biting, and I moan. But then he reaches down between us, hand snaking down my belly toward my crotch, and I suddenly freeze, because there are some things you should really talk about before you fuck.</p><p>He seems to notice my hesitation, clearly the observant and attentive type (and fuck, if that’s not a turn-on), and steps back, letting go of me. ‘You okay?’ He cocks his head to one side. ‘We don’t have to if you don’t want.’</p><p>I laugh, a soft chuckle, because fuck yeah, I want. ‘That’s not it. I’m . . . seriously into this.’ I blow out a breath of air between puffed up cheeks, wondering how to phrase this. It’s been a while since I’ve had this conversation; since I’ve had a partner with whom it needed to be had. ‘I just . . .’ And it tumbles out in the least graceful of ways. ‘I left my dick at home.’</p><p>He blinks. ‘Huh?’</p><p>Looking away from his bewildered face, I scratch the back of my head and make a face. ‘Man, this is always weird to bring up, but I shoulda done it earlier, prolly.’</p><p>‘You’re trans,’ he says before I have to. I nod. ‘Okay, that’s cool.’</p><p>I look up, meet his eye, and find him smiling. ‘Yeah?’</p><p>Kerry chuckles. ‘V, I’m eighty-nine years old. You think I’ve never fucked a trans guy before?’</p><p>Feeling a little embarrassed, I grin. ‘Not everyone’s cool with a detachable, cybernetic penis. Especially not when I leave it at home like a gonk even though . . .’ I trail off and bite my lip.</p><p>Kerry folds his arms across his chest and raises an eyebrow. ‘Even though?’ he prompts.</p><p>I sigh. May as well finish making an ass of myself. I feel a little bit too much like a star-struck kid when I say, ‘Even though I really wanted this to happen. I just . . . didn’t let myself believe it’d happen tonight.’</p><p>Kerry’s smile softens. ‘You wanted this, huh?’ I nod, and he steps closer. ‘You wanted me?’</p><p>I nod again. My throat feels thick, somehow, and I swallow, my heart pounding in my chest. ‘Yeah.’</p><p>He steps closer again, brings his hand to my cheek, stroking my stubbled jaw with his thumb. ‘You still want me?’</p><p>I laugh softly. ‘Fuck yeah.’</p><p>‘Then I’m cool with it if you are. You’re all man, far as I’m concerned. Long as you’re comfortable, V.’</p><p>‘Oh, I’m comfortable,’ I say, and then he’s kissing me again, manoeuvring me toward the couch, broken glass crunching beneath the soles of our boots.</p><p>When we get there, I reverse our positions, pushing him down on his back. I reach for his pants, undoing the button and zipper and pulling them down, and I really shouldn’t be surprised to find he’s going commando, but I’m still almost startled when his cock springs free, bobbing against his stomach. Uncut, thick, and veiny. His slim frame makes it look huge. I wrap my fingers around the shaft, stroking slowly, and Kerry’s head falls back as he groans softly. The skin of his cock is silky smooth, the head shiny with pre-cum and pink in contrast to the brown shaft. I run my thumb over the slit and he pulls a sharp breath, almost like a hiss.</p><p>‘Look at me, Ker,’ I say, and he does, just as I lower my head and lick the tip of his cock, tasting him. Salty-sweet and a little bitter, but in the best of ways.</p><p>‘Fuck, V, that’s hot,’ he murmurs, and I smile. I kiss my way down his shaft, burying my nose in his pubes and breathing in the musky scent of him, before turning my attention to his balls, pulling one into my mouth while I continue to stroke his cock. He makes a slightly choked noise, which tickles me endlessly. I’d love to keep teasing, but I can tell he’s growing impatient. And, frankly, so am I, so I raise my head again and look into his eyes as I take his cock into my mouth, as deep as I can manage. ‘Aaah, <em>fuck</em>!’ he groans.</p><p>I love the sounds he makes, the way his hand twists itself into my green and blue dreadlocks, pulling. I like giving head, always have. I like everything that makes my partner feel good. I love taking people apart like that, watching them lose control and shatter for just a moment. Guess I’m just a giver. But then he pushes me off him. He’s biting his lip, his pupils blown wide. ‘C’mere, kid,’ he says hoarsely. I climb up on the couch and he pulls me into a kiss. ‘Need to fuck you.’ His voice is all gravel and I shiver.</p><p>‘How d’you want me?’ I ask, my voice almost breaking, because that’s a kink for me. I get off on need. When he told me earlier, when we were up there and he was playing that beautiful guitar that’s now smashed all over the deck, that he needed <em>me</em>, it made my heart pound almost as hard as it does now.</p><p>‘Well, first of all, I want you naked.’ He grins. I stand up and get undressed, watching as he peels those tight pants all the way off. He gets up, pulls me close, pressing his open mouth against mine. ‘Sit down,’ he whispers, planting another hard kiss on my lips before pushing me away. I do as he says, leaning back against the backrest. He leans over me, bites my shoulder as he slides a finger inside me. He doesn’t need to. I’m ready, sopping wet and aching for his cock, and I tell him as much. He chuckles. ‘Impatient, hm?’</p><p>‘You have any idea how long I’ve wanted you?’ I gasp, beyond feeling embarrassed now, as he adds another finger, sliding them in and out. ‘Fuck, Ker . . . just fuck me already!’</p><p>‘All right, all right! Chill.’ He smiles. ‘Not goin’ anywhere.’ But he pulls his fingers out, strokes his cock a couple of times. He positions himself and enters me in one long thrust, and fuck me, I <em>whine</em> like a little bitch. ‘You okay?’ he asks.</p><p>I nod. I’m struggling to form words. It’s been a long time since I’ve been fucked this way. I never imagined the person to do it would be Kerry Eurodyne.</p><p>Kerry leans down, kisses my lips with surprising tenderness. ‘Gonna need some verbal confirmation, here, kid,’ he whispers.</p><p>Laughing, I manage to say, ‘I’m good, Ker.’ And clearly that was all he wanted to hear, because he pulls out and slams back inside me, and I throw my head back with a moan, seeing stars. ‘So good!’ I groan.</p><p>‘Good.’ He kisses me again, his tongue sliding against my own, and he starts to move, slamming into me over and over. Like he knows this is exactly how I want it. Maybe he just reads people like that. Now he sucks on my earlobe again, panting with every thrust, and I hold onto his shoulders, digging black-painted nails into his skin. He growls, biting down on my neck, upping the intensity.</p><p>‘Ah, I’m gonna come!’ I moan, and my body goes taut as he fucks into me. Then he slows down, kisses my cheek.</p><p>‘Hot,’ he whispers against my skin. ‘Wanna get on top?’</p><p>I utter a breathless laugh. ‘Okay. Just . . . gimme a minute to breathe.’</p><p>He laughs, pulls back a little and looks into my eyes, then kisses my lips softly. It feels oddly contradictory, the way Kerry fucks hard but kisses so gently. I wonder how he likes taking it (because I’m pretty sure he does like it) and if I’ll ever get the chance to find out.</p><p>He sits down on the couch and I climb on top of him, sinking down on his length. He puts his arms around me, and as I start to move, he thrusts upward to meet me halfway. He grabs my ass with one hand, squeezing, and the other goes into my hair again, pulling at it like he did when I was sucking his cock. ‘Fuck!’ I groan, closing my eyes.</p><p>‘Good?’ he asks breathlessly.</p><p>I nod. ‘Good . . . You?’</p><p>He laughs again. ‘Real good. Gettin’ close, V.’</p><p>I reach down between us and start stroking my biodick, wanting to be where he is, feel what he feels. I want to come with him. Need it.</p><p>He lets go for a second, leans back and just watches me with something akin to wonder in his far too blue eyes. ‘Beautiful,’ he murmurs. Then he gets a wicked glint in his eyes. He pauses the movement of his hips for a moment, effectively halting my own. I keep stroking myself, watching as he leans over to a table and picks something up. I glance at what’s in his hand. A lighter.</p><p>‘Wanna feel really alive?’ he asks.</p><p>I’m not sure what I think he’s gonna do when I nod my head in confirmation, but setting fire to the fucking cabin is not it. But that’s what he does, lighting the thing and tossing it onto the debris beside us.</p><p>I laugh in sheer surprise. ‘What the fuck, Ker? Are you crazy?’</p><p>‘Maybe,’ he says. He puts his arms around me again, pulls me close and whispers in my ear. ‘I need to come inside you while the world burns down around us.’</p><p>There it is again. <em>Need</em>. I can’t help the moan that escapes me. This is crazy. This is dangerous. But then again, I put my life on the line every single day, and I may only have days left to live at this point anyway, and so my brain tells me, to hell with it. Be crazy. Or maybe that’s just Johnny’s influence. I start to move again, capturing his lips. He swats my hand away from my biodick, strokes it himself, and he’s good at it. He did say he’s been with trans guys before. I close my eyes, groan loudly. ‘Close!’ I manage.</p><p>‘Good,’ comes the reply. He bites into my neck, growls against my skin, and just as I reach my peak and cry out, his hips come to a stuttering halt as he grunts. I can feel him pulsing inside me. I keep moving, milking it out of him, and then he lets go of my neck, kisses me again, open-mouthed and sloppy.</p><p>‘C’mon, let’s delta before this thing blows,’ he murmurs.</p><p>We get up and he grabs my hand. I just about manage to pick up most of my clothes on the way; my left boot is missing but I don’t give a shit. I’ve got other boots. We leave the smoky cabin, run up on deck, and I watch as Kerry cannonballs into the water. Laughing, I follow and we both swim to shore.</p><p>We lie on the beach and watch the yacht blow. The evening is warm, the wind soft against my bare skin. Our clothes are fucking soaked. When he offers to give me a ride home, I start pulling on my jeans and tank top anyway. Of course, he has a couple changes of clothes in his car. ‘Pants won’t fit you, you’re way too buff, but this shirt might.’ He tosses me a Second Conflict tour t-shirt, and I smile. Of course Kerry Eurodyne wears his own merch. Much like Johnny.</p><p>Who incidentally stands a ways off, smoking and looking unimpressed. He doesn’t speak, though, no doubt saving his scathing remarks on my getting royally fucked by his best friend with him as a reluctant tagalong for later.</p><p>‘Where can I drop ya?’ Kerry asks as we get into his car.</p><p>‘Watson. Megabuilding H10. Thanks.’</p><p>‘No problem.’ He glances at me out of the corner of his eye with this soft smile. ‘You’re tall,’ he says after a while. The comment puzzles me for a moment before I realise what he’s saying.</p><p>‘I skipped female puberty,’ I tell him. ‘I always knew this was who I was. Got blockers. Started T at fourteen. No surgeries, this is all me. Well, none of <em>those</em> surgeries, anyways.’</p><p>He nods slowly, eyes on the road. ‘You don’t mind talkin’ about it.’ It’s a statement, not a question.</p><p>‘Nah, not really. It . . . can be awkward when you like someone, just the immediate revelation. Y’know, the worry that they won’t be into you. Folks got hangups.’</p><p>‘Well, I don’t mind pussy,’ says Kerry with a shrug. ‘Cock ain’t the reason I like men.’ Then he smiles wryly. ‘Well, not the primary reason, anyway.’</p><p>‘I mean, you can have cock. Y’know, uh . . . next time.’</p><p>He laughs. ‘Outta curiosity, any particular reason you don’t just get an implant?’</p><p>I shrug. ‘Lotsa reasons. I don’t have bottom dysphoria. I enjoy vaginal sex. I don’t wanna, y’know, mess with my reproductive system too much . . . not that I necessarily want kids, but I like having the choice. Choice is important to me. Anyway, the packer’s great. Hooks into my cyberware so it feels like the real thing for me. ’Cept where you have to stop after you come, I can just keep goin’ and goin’ . . . and goin’.’ I grin as Kerry swallows, reaching down to adjust himself. I like that I can make him flustered.</p><p>‘Good to know,’ he says, his voice almost completely normal. Almost.</p><p>‘I don’t wear it every day ’cause even though it’s fully functional, it gets in the way sometimes. It’s more for play than anythin’ else. And, uh . . . it’s not like my sex life has been . . . active lately.’ <em>Dying’ll do that to you.</em></p><p>‘Well, we can fix that,’ Kerry says softly.</p><p>I consider asking him to take me home with him instead of dropping me off. But I’m tired and I can tell he is too. I need a shower and a change of clothes, and a good night’s sleep. And there’s Nibbles to take care of too. Still, when he pulls up in front of my building, I say, ‘Wanna come up?’</p><p>Kerry shakes his head. ‘Nah, not tonight. Kinda beat. Besides . . . I think I have a song to write.’ He smiles at me, the same gentle smile as before.</p><p>‘Okay. Guess I’ll see ya.’ I still kiss him before I get out of the car.</p><p>When I get in, I leave my clothes on the bathroom floor while I shower and get ready for bed. Johnny’s quiet. I see him out of the corner of my eye, smoking on the couch or hanging out with the cat. Not sure how that works, exactly, but it’s like Nibbles can see him, or at least knows he’s there. Cats are funny like that.</p><p>Before I get into bed, I pull out the box I keep the packer in. I take a picture and send it to Kerry with the caption, <em>dick pic.</em></p><p>Johnny snorts. Finally, he speaks. ‘That’s actually pretty funny.’</p><p>I raise an eyebrow at him. ‘That’s it? Not gonna mock me?’</p><p>He shrugs. Shakes his head. Taking a drag off his virtual cigarette, he looks out the window. ‘Nah. You deserve to be happy. Kerry too.’ <em>If only for a little while.</em> He doesn’t say it, but it hangs there in the air between us, no less true for going unsaid.</p><p>I receive a message. It’s a reply from Kerry. A laughing smiley, followed by a pic of his own. An actual dick pic. I blush, remembering how he tasted, how he felt inside me.</p><p>‘I could do without seein’ Kerry’s cock ever again, though,’ says Johnny nonchalantly. I roll my eyes. Another message follows.</p><p> </p><p><b>Kerry: </b>Something to think about till next time</p><p> </p><p>I write back.</p><p> </p><p><b>V: </b>When’s next time?</p><p> </p><p>He answers almost immediately.</p><p> </p><p><b>Kerry: </b>Tomorrow night?</p><p><b>V: </b>Your place?</p><p><b>Kerry: </b>Yes. Any time after 5</p><p> </p><p>I fail to hold back a smile I’m sure borders on goofy, and Johnny makes a derisive noise. <em>There it is. Good old Silverhand.</em> ‘You’re like teenagers,’ he says. But then he grins. Actually grins at me and adds, ‘Not gonna lie, though. Was kinda hot.’</p><p>I scoff. ‘Pervert!’ But for some reason, it matters. It matters that Johnny approves, in his own crazy way. And as I get into bed, I smile.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! Maybe I'll revisit this V and Kerry at some point. Maybe write about the next day, I dunno. With Kerry's romance happening so late in the game, it feels so rushed. Maybe I'll do something from Kerry's POV, I dunno. Let me know if you think that might be fun.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Black Dog</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which V remembers to bring his dick.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm not quite as happy with this one as the first one, but I had fun writing it anyway. Maybe I just suck at writing tops... Considered doing it from Kerry's POV, but I found that even more difficult.</p><p>Anyway, this chapter contains a full description of what I imagine a cybernetic packer might be like. Had a blast with that.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I’ve never been especially shy about my body, and so it hasn’t bothered me much having Johnny around when I’m naked. Since he’s there all the time, I’d never get to shower otherwise and it’s his body too, kinda. I’m still struggling to wrap my head around it, define it, even after the weeks we’ve spent living this way, but I digress.</p><p>As much as I’m used to it, this is the first time he’s actively watched me. He stands in the doorway to the bathroom, openly staring as I attach my packer, clearly fascinated by the whole thing.</p><p>It’s made of silicone, the outside as skin-like as it’s possible to get without an actual skin-graft. It looks almost ’ganic, except I didn’t bother to get the model with balls. I didn’t get the thing so I could pass in the locker room, I just got it for sex. It slots into an implant located in my mons pubis, pretty much invisible if you don’t know it’s there. It’s self-adhesive, forming a kind of cup around my vulva and sheathing my biodick, so it’s kind of like an extension. It also connects to my urethra so I can piss through it. It’s completely painless.</p><p>Johnny, for all he’s insisted he’s not interested in cock, seems very interested in this one. ‘So that’s it? Now it just works, like a real dick?’</p><p>‘Yup. Just like a real dick. Even responds to touch, gets hard, and I can feel it.’</p><p>Johnny shakes his head. ‘That’s . . . I dunno if that’s amazing or fucked up.’</p><p>I snort. ‘People do weirder shit to their genitals than this, Johnny. Believe me. But I guess this tech’s a little more advanced than in your day.’</p><p>‘Ya don’t say. Pretty sure it was strap-on or surgery back then. Not that I’m an expert.’</p><p>Packer safely in place, I look at the time. It’s half past four. I wonder if it’ll seem desperate if I show up at Kerry’s doorstep at five on the dot.</p><p>‘It’ll seem totally desperate,’ Johnny says. ‘But that’s okay, ’cause one, you <em>are</em> fucking desperate, and two, so’s Kerry.’</p><p>I bite my lip, stare at my reflection. ‘How d’you know that?’</p><p>‘’Cause I know that look. Same way he looked at <em>me</em> for ten years. Trust me, Kerry wants you to bend him over the back of the couch and fuck him till he screams.’</p><p>I try not to let that mental image get me too flustered and turn away from Johnny to put on my underwear, adjusting the packer as best I can. No matter how many times I do this, I can never quite get used to it. Then I pick out an outfit that’s sufficiently punk rock while at the same time easy to get out of. By the time that’s done, it’s a quarter to and, after making sure Nibbles has enough food and water to last until morning if need be, I leave the apartment and head down to the garage.</p><p>Traffic isn’t too bad. Seems I’ve timed this well, because I arrive in North Oak a little after five, parking my bike next to Kerry’s Rayfield. I didn’t text in advance; not like he didn’t know I was coming. Still, I’m nervous when I ring the doorbell.</p><p>Kerry opens the door and flashes me an easy smile. He’s dressed for home, in a white tank top and grey slacks. ‘Hey! Come on in.’ I wan to kiss him. I want to grab him and push him up against the wall and take his mouth. But I don’t know if we’re at that stage yet, and before I can make up my mind, he turns on his heel and heads for the living room.</p><p>‘Pussy.’ I can’t see Johnny, but I hear his voice in my head. ‘I told you he wants you, so what’re you waiting for?’</p><p>‘Shut up, Johnny,’ I tell him. I watch Kerry’s ass, the swing of his hips, and follow him.</p><p>‘You want a drink?’ he asks over his shoulder. ‘What’s your poison?’</p><p>‘Whatever you’re having,’ I say, and I’m happy to find my voice sounds normal. I can do this. I can be cool. Shit, this was so much easier before we had sex . . . Why am I suddenly nervous? Oh yeah, maybe because I used to get off while listening to Kerry Eurodyne’s music when I was younger. Always liked his voice. Now I know what he sounds like when he comes, I like it even more.</p><p>‘Seriously?’ Johnny materialises alongside me. ‘You’d jerk off to Kerry’s singin’?’</p><p>I roll my eyes. ‘Fuck’s sake, Johnny . . . would you just go away for a little bit?’</p><p>‘I’ll go when you get to the fucking,’ he says dismissively. ‘You really got off to the sound of his voice?’</p><p>‘Used to get off to the sound of <em>your</em> voice too. My mom had some old Samurai records. Used to listen to <em>Black Dog</em>. That’s you in the first verse, right? And Kerry in the second?’</p><p>He stares at me in abject horror. ‘Now that’s just fucked up!’</p><p>‘Hey, you asked.’ I shrug.</p><p>Meanwhile, Kerry’s pouring us generous helpings of Scotch, and I give myself permission to ignore Johnny for a while. ‘Thanks,’ I say as Kerry hands me a tumbler.</p><p>He sits on the couch. ‘C’mere.’ He smiles up at me and I join him. ‘To you, V.’</p><p>Returning his smile, I take a drink. ‘Thank you. This is good.’ I look around the room. ‘Place doesn’t look quite as trashed as it did last time I was here.’</p><p>Kerry laughs, looking a little embarrassed. ‘Yeah, that was bad. Helluva first impression I must’ve given you.’</p><p>‘Nah, wasn’t so bad.’ I sip my Scotch. ‘So, what’d you do today?’</p><p>He makes a face. ‘Spent half the day on the phone with the record label. The other half tryin’ to nail down a contract with a new manager.’</p><p>‘Nothin’ from Kovachek?’</p><p>‘Not yet. Not like I told him I did it.’ He downs his drink and pours himself another. ‘What about you? Had any jobs today?’</p><p>‘Yeah, actually. Helped Blue Moon out with a stalker.’</p><p>‘No shit? Yeah, those suck.’</p><p>‘Had some psychofans in your time, I take it?’</p><p>‘Too fuckin’ many. Guess it comes with the whole fame thing, but I never got how people can get so . . . obsessed with someone they’ve never even met.’</p><p>‘Parasocial relationships,’ I say. ‘I mean, I kinda get it. Everyone fanboys over some artist or another at some point in their lives, right? But there’s a difference between bein' a fan and, y’know, <em>that</em>. Man, that girl coulda really hurt Blue Moon.’</p><p>Kerry rests his elbow on the back of the couch, half turning toward me. ‘So, who’d you fanboy over?’</p><p>I glance at him with a half smile. ‘I’m lookin’ at ’im.’</p><p>He raises his eyebrows, a look of surprise flashing across his face. ‘Oh, so I’m really dealing with a groupie?’</p><p>I laugh. ‘Nah, man. That was a long time ago. I got over it. ’Sides, wasn’t really like that. Just liked your music’s all. But now I know you . . . it’s different.’</p><p>‘Oh, yeah?’</p><p>‘Yeah.’ The scotch has made me brave. I drain my glass and put it on the coffee table. Then I take his glass away from him and put that away too, before leaning over and kissing him. I cup his bearded jaw, stroking his cheekbone with my thumb. His mouth is open, inviting, and when I slide my tongue in, he makes a small sound and pulls me closer, an arm around my neck.</p><p>He breaks the kiss and attacks my throat, then sucks on my earlobe again, the way he figured out I liked last night. He whispers, ‘Bring your dick this time?’</p><p>I laugh. Then I take his hand and guide it down my stomach to the front of my jeans. We both gasp as he cups me, or more accurately my packer, through my pants. It’s responding to his touch, getting hard.</p><p>‘You can feel that?’ he asks.</p><p>‘Uh-huh.’ I bite my lip. ‘Yeah, it . . . feels really good.’</p><p>‘How long’s it been since you used this thing?’</p><p>‘Shit, I dunno . . . a year? Been single . . . for a while.’</p><p>Kerry unzips my jeans and pulls them down along with my purple boxers, revealing the packer.He wraps his fingers around it and strokes. ‘Feels almost like real skin. I was expecting something more like a strap-on, but this is . . . You really feel it? It feels like the real thing?’</p><p>‘Well, I got nothin’ to compare it to, but ostensibly, yeah. Ah . . .’ I laugh. ‘Actually, I guess I can find out now; can just ask Johnny.’ Kerry slows his movement at the mention of the name and I mentally slap myself. ‘Ah, sorry. Is . . . was that weird? That was weird. I shouldn’t’ve mentioned—’</p><p>Kerry cuts off my rambling. ‘No, it’s fine, V. I know he’s . . . in there.’</p><p>‘Let’s not talk about him,’ I say quickly. ‘Please. This . . . this is about us. About you and me. Right?’</p><p>Kerry smiles at me. ‘Yeah.’ He strokes me a little faster. ‘So . . . if I were to suck this thing . . . you’d feel that too?’</p><p>I nod. ‘Yeah.’</p><p>And without another word, Kerry lowers his head into my lap and swallows my silicone cock. I throw my head back with a hiss. This is a lot more intense than I remember. ‘Ah, fuck! Christ, Ker, that’s . . .’ Kerry Eurodyne, as it turns out, gives excellent head. I slide a hand into his hair, feeling the movement of his head. I tighten my fist experimentally, and Kerry groans. It sounds like a happy groan, so I do it again. ‘This okay?’ I manage.</p><p>‘Mhm,’ he says around my cock. He looks up at me through his lashes, and I can’t imagine a sexier sight than this; Kerry going down on me with my fist tangled in his hair. It’s almost enough to make me come, all on its own. Then he does something with his tongue before taking me in deep, swallowing me whole.</p><p>‘Fuck, I’m gonna come if you . . . shit, Ker, I’m . . .’ I lose the power of speech as I hit my peak. There’s no ejaculation, of course, but all the same, Kerry’s tongue gets to be a little too much and I pull my hips back, the packer slipping out of his mouth, still hard. ‘Fuck . . .’</p><p>Kerry wipes saliva off his chin and gives me a smile that borders on predatory. ‘That feel good?’</p><p>I nod. ‘So good.’ I take a few deep breaths, slowing my heart, and then I pull him to me and kiss him again. ‘So fucking good,’ I murmur against his lips. I reach down, touch him through his slacks, and he’s hard too. I pull down his pants, take him in my hand and stroke him while I look into his eyes. ‘What do you want?’</p><p>He closes his eyes for a moment, drawing a shaky breath. ‘Want you to fuck me, V.’</p><p>‘How do you want me?’</p><p>‘Don’t care . . . just need you in me.’</p><p><em>Need. </em>Kerry needs me. I kiss him again, harder than before. Then I pull off his tank top and he gets out of his pants. I admire his lean body for a moment, just looking. ‘So hot,’ I murmur without thinking. It’s likely my imagination, but it almost seems like he’s blushing. Then I get naked too, and I pull him into my lap so I can kiss him and feel his skin against my own. ‘Got lube?’ I ask breathlessly.</p><p>‘Upstairs,’ he replies, and we both get off the couch and take the stairs two at a time to the bedroom.</p><p>We fall into bed, kissing and licking and biting, and Kerry passes me the lube that was on his nightstand. I don’t open it yet, though. First, I push Kerry down on his stomach and get behind him. I pull his ass cheeks apart, revealing his puckered, pink hole, and then I bury my face in it.</p><p>‘Fuck, V . . . Ah!’ The sound of his voice fills my ears. It breaks, just a little, as I stick my tongue inside him. ‘Oh, don’t stop! Shit . . . feels . . .’ He grunts, pushing back on my tongue.</p><p>I don’t do it for long. He’s enjoying it, but I can tell what he wants most of all is my cock inside him, and so I pick up the lube again, opening him up with my fingers. Doesn’t take much doing. He’s ready. I rub some on my cock and get on my knees behind him. ‘You ready?’</p><p>‘So fucking ready!’ Kerry groans.</p><p>I push inside. It’s been a long time and the feeling is almost too much. I grasp his hip with one hand and his shoulder with the other as I start to move. I move slowly, experimenting a little so I’ll find . . .</p><p>‘Ah, yeah!’ he moans. ‘Fuck, yeah . . .’ Found it. ‘V . . . need it harder.’</p><p>That Kerry tops from the bottom surprises me not at all. He knows what he wants, and he tells me. He likes it a little rough, so I pound his ass, bite the back of his neck. I grab his wrists and pin them to the bed. I fucking worship his long back, his slim waist, his gorgeous ass. The tightness of him. This feeling of filling him builds inside me, shaking me to my core, and I come with sharp gasps and moans.</p><p>‘Ah, fuck, Kerry!’ My hips come to a halt for a moment as I struggle to breathe. ‘God, you’re perfect,’ I murmur in his ear. </p><p>He laughs softly under me. ‘Did you just come?’</p><p>‘Heh, yeah. Just gimme a sec and I can keep going.’</p><p>‘Mmm, then get on your back. I wanna ride you.’</p><p>I do as he says and he climbs on top of me. I push back, thrusting into him. He’s looking down at my face, his eyes locked to mine. In the end, I sit up, hold him tightly and kiss him.</p><p>‘Ah, V . . .’ He sounds so breathless. I’m doing this to him, I realise. I’m making him hot and breathless, reducing him to moans and shivers.</p><p>‘What do you need?’ I whisper.</p><p>‘You,’ is all he says. With a growl, I roll us over, so he’s on his back, and I fuck him while staring into his eyes. The room is filled with the heady scent of sex. His hands grip my arms, and he throws his head back, shuts his eyes. ‘Please, V . . . I need . . . I need to come!’</p><p>I take his cock in my hand. ‘Kerry. Look at me.’ He opens his eyes. They’re nearly black, his pupils are blown so wide. ‘That’s it,’ I murmur, stroking him. ‘Come for me.’ I pump his cock in time with my thrusts, and when he finally comes with a shout, it’s with such tremendous force the semen hits his clavicle as well as my chest. As his body contracts around me, I come too, my forehead pressed to his shoulder.</p><p>Kerry puts his arms around me, fingers lazily stroking my back and shoulders. I raise my head, look into his eyes, and kiss him. ‘Fucking beautiful,’ I whisper against his lips.</p><p>He laughs, turning his face away. ‘My ego’s inflated enough as it is, V,’ he jokes.</p><p>‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘You need to hear this, ’cause I know you don’t believe it. You’re beautiful. You have no idea how much I want you. How much I need you. I <em>see</em> you, Kerry. <em>You</em>. Not the celebrity, not the rockerboy. But you. And this, whatever it is between us . . . I’m so glad I get to share it with you.’</p><p>Kerry pulls me into a kiss. It’s hot and wet and desperate. I think he’s sparing himself from having to answer right away. Then he holds me tightly in his arms. ‘I don’t know what it is you see in me, V. And I don’t know how real it is, but . . . thank you. For what it’s worth, I’m glad this is happening.’ He kisses my cheek. ‘Now, c’mon. We need a shower, and mine’s fucking huge. Plenty of room for us both.’</p><p>While I lather shampoo into his hair, he says, ‘You know, part of me worried your packer would turn out to be some kinda monster cock. I know a lot of people think the bigger the better, and when you get to choose your own . . . I mean, it’s true to an extent, but as much as I love having my ass wrecked, I really don’t wanna be split in two.’</p><p>I laugh, kissing his shoulder. It tastes like shampoo. I don’t give a fuck. ‘I didn’t want somethin’ massive,’ I tell him. ‘Didn’t want a Mr. Stud either. I just wanted it to feel . . . natural, I guess.’</p><p>‘Felt pretty natural to me,’ he says. He turns around, rinsing the shampoo out of his hair, and presses his lips to mine. Then he laughs. ‘You ask Johnny yet? About whether it feels like the real thing on your end too?’</p><p>I laugh too. ‘Not yet. I’ll ask him later.’</p><p>‘Well,’ says Kerry, stepping out from under the shower stream, ‘I’m starving, so I’m gonna order some food. You like Thai?’</p><p>‘Sure, I’m an omnivore.’</p><p>‘Good.’ He steps out of the shower, grabs a towel, and leaves the bathroom.</p><p>I finish rinsing off before I turn off the water and start drying myself off. Looking into the mirror, I see Johnny over my shoulder. ‘He returns,’ I say. ‘Real curious now; did it feel like the real thing?’</p><p>Johnny rubs the back of his neck, looking thoughtful. ‘Except the part where you came and then just kept going like some kinda fucking machine . . . yeah.’ He shakes his head. ‘Starting to think I may have missed out. But don’t tell him I said that.’</p><p>‘Oh, trust me, I won’t. He’s had enough trouble gettin’ over you.’ I turn to face him, mirroring his folded arms. ‘How weird is this for you? I mean, really. Just want the truth.’</p><p>‘The truth? It’s really fuckin’ weird. But it’d be weird no matter who it was. Thank fuck that cop you were thirsting after shot you down. Might not have been able to forgive you if you made me fuck a cop.’</p><p>I flip Johnny the bird and wrap the towel around my waist. Of course, I’m glad River turned me down too. I’d much rather be with Kerry, after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Since everywhere says both Johnny and Kerry did vocals, I've made my own little headcanon where Johnny's vocals are the clean, lower register ones, and Kerry's are the higher ones plus the screaming. Pretty sure the vocalist of Refused does all of them, but that's how I've separated it in my mind anyway.</p><p>I have a couple more ideas, a half-written final chapter. This thing won't be long. V and Kerry have so little time as Kerry comes into the game so late, and I kind of like that. How fast it has to be. So, one or two more chapters, tops. We'll see.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Never Fade Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>V and Kerry go out on a date. Now also with plot!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Remember how this was supposed to be just smut and not much plot? Weeeeell, now it has plot too. Backstory and shit. This fic really got away from me... Plus I have this whole entire musical headcanon about Samurai, cause I'm a musician and I can't help thinking, when I listen to the songs, about who's playing and singing which parts. So, there's some of that in here too. </p><p>Oh, and pardon my Spanish. I asked for some help from a few people, and it's just like one line, so I hope it makes sense, both linguistically and idiomatically. </p><p>CW: references to suicide</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I’ve barely made it home the next day, after a quick stop to do a gig for Rogue, when Kerry calls. ‘Hey, Ker.’</p><p>‘V. Hey. You doin’ okay?’</p><p>‘I’m great. How ’bout you?’</p><p>‘Fuckin’ fantastic. So, listen, I was thinking . . . wanna go out tonight? Do something? I dunno, get a drink or a meal or something like that?’</p><p>I find myself grinning. ‘You askin’ me out on a date, Kerry?’</p><p>‘Yeah. Guess I am.’</p><p>‘Well, I’d love to. Where?’</p><p>‘Hadn’t actually thought that far. Could go to Dark Matter . . . or there’s this high end restaurant which you and I would both hate, so no, not that . . . And I’m outta ideas. Can you tell it’s been a while since I asked someone on a date?’</p><p>‘I got an idea.’</p><p>‘Yeah? Go for it.’</p><p>‘Place in Heywood, where I grew up. Chill joint, good booze, plus a couple people I’d like to introduce you to.’</p><p>‘Meeting your friends?’</p><p>‘Why not? I’ve met yours.’</p><p>‘Not sure I’d call ’em friends. But sure, sounds preem.’</p><p>‘Okay, I’ll text you the address.’</p><p>I’m wearing a goofy smile by the time I hang up. I can’t help it. I haven’t had genuine feelings for anyone in a long time, and this feels like more than just a crush. Which is crazy. I barely know Kerry. Except I do know him, in large part thanks to Johnny. I know him a lot better than he knows me.</p><p>‘He’ll get to know you.’ Johnny appears on the couch, where the cat is licking its own ass. ‘You’re not that complicated.’</p><p>‘Gee, thanks,’ I say sarcastically. ‘What if . . . what if he doesn’t want to get to know me, though?’</p><p>‘If all he wanted was to fuck you, he wouldn’t ask you out on a date, V.’</p><p>‘I . . . I guess not.’</p><p>I wait for Kerry outside El Coyote Cojo. He’s a couple minutes late, and he apologises.</p><p>‘Don’t worry, I hadn’t been waitin’ long.’ I kiss his cheek on a whim. He doesn’t seem to mind, and we walk inside the bar.</p><p>‘Hey, V!’ Pepe calls, waving from the bar. ‘Good to see you, hermano!’ As we approach, he says, ‘I owe you a drink for helping me out. What can I get you?’</p><p>‘The usual,’ I tell him.</p><p>‘And for you?’ he says, looking at Kerry.</p><p>‘I’ll have what he’s having.’</p><p>‘Two Compa de Heywood coming right up!’ While Pepe mixes our drinks, he eyes Kerry with some suspicion. ‘This your new input or something?’</p><p>I turn to Kerry. ‘I dunno, Ker. Are you?’</p><p>Kerry shrugs one shoulder, making a good show of looking nonchalant, but he smiles when he says, ‘I’m okay with that label.’</p><p>I can’t help the flush in my cheek and warmth in my chest. ‘Then, yes. Pepe, this is Kerry.’ I glance around the bar. ‘Hey, is Mama Welles around?’</p><p>‘Should be. Prolly stepped out for a minute. She’ll be back.’ Pepe places our drinks on the counter.</p><p>Lifting my glass, I turn to Kerry. ‘Cheers.’</p><p>‘Cheers.’ He clinks his glass against mine and takes a sip. ‘Ooh, this is nice.’ He takes another. ‘Spicy.’</p><p>‘That’s the jalapeño,’ says Pepe helpfully.</p><p>‘Pepe, how’s Cynthia doin’?’ I ask.</p><p>‘Oh, she’s good. Things are good, V. She, uh . . . we’re having another baby.’ He grins.</p><p>Pretending I don’t already know this, I smile. ‘That’s great. Congratulations!’</p><p>Pepe steps away to serve another customer. ‘Nice guy,’ says Kerry. ‘Known him long?’</p><p>‘Ages. Long as he’s been bartendin’ here. He’s good people. A real choom.’</p><p>‘You said you grew up here.’</p><p>‘Yep. Well, not this bar, but this part of Heywood, yeah. Had a lotta very late, very drunk nights here, though.’</p><p>‘V!’ I turn to see Mama Welles approaching. ‘I thought that was you! Good to see you, mi niño.’ She pats my cheek. ‘And who’s this?’</p><p>Grinning, I turn to Kerry. ‘Kerry Eurodyne, meet Guadalupe Welles, proprietress of this fine establishment.’</p><p>Kerry shakes her hand, smiling. ‘Pleased to meet you, Ms. Welles.’</p><p>‘And you, Mr. Eurodyne.’ She studies his face for a few moments. ‘Almost everyone calls me Mama Welles around here, but you, I think, may call me Lupe.’</p><p>‘I’m old enough, huh?’ says Kerry without missing a beat, and she laughs. ‘Well, in that case, you should call me Kerry. Nice place you got here. Good atmosphere.’</p><p>‘I like this man, V,’ says Mama Welles. ‘You may keep him. <em>Ustedes tendrían lindos hijos.</em>’ Then she walks away.</p><p>I laugh and Kerry raises an eyebrow at me. ‘What she say?’</p><p>‘She, ah . . . she said you and I’d have beautiful kids together.’</p><p>Instead of laughing, Kerry studies my face, looking thoughtful. ‘I think we just might. But I’m afraid that ship’s sailed for me. Plus, I make for a shitty dad.’</p><p>I’m not sure how to respond to that, so instead I just shake my head and take a sip of my drink.</p><p>‘You speak Spanish?’ Kerry asks.</p><p>‘Little bit. Hard not to, you grow up in this neighbourhood. You pick it up.’</p><p>‘You’re not Latino?’</p><p>I shrug. ‘Maybe. Prolly, somewhere along the line. I’m a mutt.’ I grin. ‘Little bit of everything in me.’</p><p>Kerry leans over and whispers, ‘Want some Filipino in you too?’</p><p>I laugh. ‘You know it.’</p><p>‘Ugh, kill me!’ Johnny says, materialising behind the bar. ‘Or, failing that, keep drinking. I’m too sober to witness this shit.’ I ignore him but take another sip of my drink all the same.</p><p>‘What was it like?’ Kerry asks after a moment. ‘Growing up in Heywood?’</p><p>‘Well, it wasn’t easy, exactly. Lotta poverty around here, lotta violent crime and gang activity . . . But I never thought of that, growin’ up. I felt safe knowin’ the whole neighbourhood had my back. Everyone’s family, even the folks you barely know, and you can call on family when the shit hits the fan.’</p><p>Kerry nods. ‘I like that. Did you stay here long, after you grew up?’</p><p>‘Yeah, until about three years ago. After my dad died. Complications from heart surgery. We couldn’t afford the best and safest options. How I got into the merc biz, actually. Needed to come up with the scratch fast, so I started runnin’ gigs for Padre. Local fixer. Before that, I made an honest livin’, believe it or not. Only kid on my block who didn’t join up with the Valentinos, felt like. Still couldn’t get together enough eddies for the best treatment, though, even as a merc.’</p><p>‘I’m sorry.’ Kerry places a hand on my arm and squeezes. ‘What about your mom?’</p><p>‘Gang wars. Innocent bystander. She got caught in the crossfire in a shootout between the Valentinos and 6<sup>th</sup> Street when I was twelve.’ I shake my head. ‘Anyway, after dad died, I packed up and left NC for a couple of years. Wound up in Atlanta.’</p><p>‘Of all places. What, to find yourself?’</p><p>‘I guess. It sucked. Turns out I was the same miserable fucker in Atlanta as I had been in Night City. So in the end, I came back here, to Heywood. I’d barely been back two days when I met Jackie.’</p><p>‘Who’s Jackie?’</p><p>‘Mama Welles’ son. My age. We’d both been hired to steal the same car and got caught. Instant chooms after that, started runnin’ jobs together.’</p><p>‘Where is he now?’</p><p>I look over my shoulder. ‘Well, you can’t see it real well from here, but see that shrine over there, next to the stairs?’</p><p>Kerry makes a face. ‘I’m sorry. How’d he die?’</p><p>‘Got shot when we hit Konpeki Plaza. Y’know, when I got the . . .’ I tap the base of my skull. ‘Bled out in the back of a Delamain cab. Best friend I ever had.’</p><p>‘Just friends?’</p><p>I snort. ‘Oh yeah. Jackie was straight as an arrow. And not really my type.’</p><p>Kerry drains his glass and motions to Pepe for another. ‘Well, V, gotta say . . . I’m glad you didn’t stay in Atlanta.’</p><p>We stay until about eleven, drinking and chatting. I feel pleasantly warm and tipsy when we step out into the cool California night. It’s mostly quiet. Distant gunshots, but not close enough to be a concern. Then there’s a hand on my hip and another on my cheek, and I’m being pushed up against the brick wall. Kerry kisses me hard and I kiss him back, slipping my arms around his waist and letting a hand come to rest on his ass.</p><p>‘Been waiting to do this all night,’ Kerry murmurs against my lips. ‘Need you, V.’</p><p>‘Your place?’ I ask breathlessly.</p><p>‘If you want. Wouldn’t mind seein’ yours, though. And it’s closer.’</p><p>‘My, uh . . . my whole place could fit into your living room. Twice.’</p><p>‘So? Think I always lived in a mansion?’</p><p>I chuckle. ‘Fair point.’ I gently push him away. ‘You good to drive? I came by metro.’</p><p>He smiles. ‘Rockerboy liver. I can handle my alcohol.’</p><p>His car is parked in a secure garage not far from here. We drive in comfortable silence. My heart’s pounding again, though. We take the elevator up from the parking garage, kissing on the way up. When we finally get inside my apartment, I find myself pressed up against the wall again, Kerry’s lips at my throat. I can feel his hard-on against my thigh. I’m wearing my packer, which is also getting hard, and I’m sure he can feel it. He gets my jacket off and it falls to the floor. Then he slides his cool hands up under my shirt.</p><p>‘You run hot, don’t you?’ he whispers. ‘Your skin is always so warm.’</p><p>‘Yeah, I’ve . . . been accused of that before,’ I tell him and gasp as his fingers brush my nipple. He bites my earlobe at the same time and I close my eyes, my head falling back against the wall. ‘Fuck, Ker . . .’</p><p>He gets to his knees, unbuckling my belt and pulling down my pants. Without ceremony, he hungrily swallows my dick. ‘Ah, fuck!’ I moan, sliding my fingers into his hair and tightening my fist. ‘God, feels so good . . .’ And it does. Kerry’s mouth is so hot, his tongue slippery. I realise now how much I’ve wanted this all night. I know I won’t last long, but that’s okay. As previously established, I can go all night, though it is slightly embarrassing how easily Kerry can make me come. Then he slides his hand up my thigh, between my legs, between my cheeks where a finger lazily circles my asshole, and I come with a grunt, accidentally banging my head against the wall.</p><p>He stops, takes his mouth off me and look up into my face. Licking his lips, he says, ‘Okay if I top tonight?’ I nod, unable to articulate an answer. ‘You wanna take this off or should I . . . ?’ He presses his finger against my hole and I gasp.</p><p>‘Yeah, that,’ I manage. ‘Definitely that. Ah! It . . . it’s been a while, though. Lemme just . . . go clean up?’</p><p>‘Sure.’ Kerry smiles and gets to his feet. He kisses my lips. ‘I’ll wait here.’</p><p>‘Okay. Um, help yourself to a drink. Should be a bottle of whiskey over by the terminal.’ I disappear into the bathroom, closing the door. About ten minutes later, I emerge wrapped in a towel, carrying a bottle of lube. I find Kerry lying back on my bed, stark naked with his cock in his hand, and I almost whimper.</p><p>‘C’mere,’ he says. I do, dropping my towel to the floor. I place the lube on the floor by the bed and lie down next to Kerry, kissing his lips. My hand joins his on his cock and he hisses as I pull back his foreskin and let my thumb slide over the slick head. ‘Easy,’ he breathes.</p><p>I kiss Kerry’s neck. ‘Think I wanna taste you ’fore you fuck me.’</p><p>He swallows and I feel his throat move under my lips. ‘That . . . that’s fine by me.’</p><p>I go down on him, tasting him, breathing him in. I love this. Love the sounds he makes, and I open my throat, taking him as deep as I can without gagging.</p><p>‘Fuck, V!’ he moans. ‘Can’t keep this up . . . if I’m gonna be able to fuck you.’</p><p>I pull off him and look up at his face with a mischievous smile. ‘Sorry.’ I don’t feel the least bit sorry.</p><p>‘Yeah, yeah. On your front, babe.’ He slaps my ass playfully. I’m pretty sure the ‘babe’ part was accidental. It’s the first time he’s called me a pet name, other than ‘kid’ (which should feel weird, incidentally, especially given the age difference, but somehow doesn’t) and that hardly counts.</p><p>‘Just . . . take it slow, okay?’ I say, and he acknowledges the request with an affirmative hum.</p><p>He leans over me, kisses the back of my neck, then bites it. Meanwhile, his left hand (where his nails are trimmed short) slides down my back, into the crack of my ass until he finds my hole. I already lubed up a little, and he slides his finger inside me, moving it in and out for a bit.</p><p>A prostate is not something that can be medically or cybernetically replicated in a body that’s not supposed to have one. Even if I’d had bottom surgery, I couldn’t have had one of those. But that doesn’t mean anal sex doesn’t feel good. My dick twitches under me, perking up again at the sensation. Picking up the lube, Kerry pours some more down my crack and slowly adds another finger. I groan at the intrusion. It doesn’t hurt much. I try to relax and let it happen, let him stretch me open so I can accomodate him.</p><p>‘Fuck, look at this gorgeous ass,’ he murmurs. ‘May need to do this again.’</p><p>I moan. ‘Fine . . . fine by me . . . Ah, shit, Ker . . .’</p><p>‘That’s it. You doin’ okay?’</p><p>I nod into the pillow. ‘Yeah. I’m good. Just . . . ah . . .’ I take a deep breath. ‘More!’</p><p>‘More?’ His voice is soft, teasing. I nod again. ‘Greedy!’ But still he obliges, adding a third finger. ‘Like this?’</p><p>‘Yeah . . .’ My voice is high, breathy.</p><p>‘Feel good?’</p><p>‘Mmh . . . yeah. Fuck . . .’ My hips buck, grinding into the sheets and then pushing back on his fingers.</p><p>‘Fuck, you’re hot, V.’ He strokes my back with his other hand, rubbing my shoulders, sliding it down to my waist, my ass, grabbing and squeezing one of the cheeks. I gasp as he gives it a gentle slap. ‘Hm. You like that?’</p><p>I nod. ‘Yeah,’ I say again. He smacks it a little harder and I moan, ‘More!’ I feel like my vocabulary’s been reduced to ‘fuck’, ‘yeah’, and ‘more’. But then he pulls his fingers out and I utter a plaintive, ‘No!’ Okay, so there’s another word I know.</p><p>‘Well, I can’t very well fuck you if my fingers are up your ass, can I?’ he says. He leans down, brings his lips close to my ear. ‘And I <em>need</em> to fuck you now, V.’ Smacking my ass one more time, he gets behind me. I raise my hips a little higher, face still pressed into the pillow. This position’s always turned me on; ass in the air and the weight of my partner pressing down on me. I feel the blunt head of Kerry’s cock against my opening. Feel the burn as he pushes past my sphincter, stretched though I am. ‘Relax,’ he coaxes. ‘That’s it, babe. Just relax. Let me in.’ He groans. ‘Fuck, you feel good, V . . . You okay?’</p><p>‘Yeah,’ I manage. ‘Fuck . . .’ I breathe through my nose, relaxing my body as best I can, and he slides in and bottoms out. ‘Ah, god!’</p><p>‘Mmm, good . . .’ He moves his hips slowly, gently. He’s got one hand on my ass, the other sliding up and down my back and coming to rest on the nape of my neck. Not pressing or squeezing, just holding. I’m not sure what to do with my hands. My fists are clenched on either side of my head as I take deep breaths. The more I open, the better it feels and the faster he moves. ‘God, V . . . feels amazing. Definitely need to do this again.’</p><p>‘Yes, please,’ I say, and he laughs.</p><p>‘One assfucking at a time, kid.’ That makes me laugh too, and he swears loudly. ‘Christ, don’t laugh, you’ll get too tight!’</p><p>‘Sorry.’ I grin into the pillow. ‘Just a . . . taste of how tight I’ll get when you make me come.’</p><p>‘Brat,’ he says affectionately. Then he stretches out on top of me, grabs hold of my wrists and kisses the back of my neck. I shiver at the feeling; the safe weight of him on top of me, lean though he is.</p><p>‘Ker?’</p><p>‘Mhm?’</p><p>I turn my head to the side, looking at him through the corner of my eye. His face is covered in a sheen of sweat, his eyes closed, but now he opens them and meets my gaze. ‘Kiss me?’</p><p>He captures my lips and starts to move again. What follows is a blur of sensation and emotion. His hands gripping my wrists. His cock in my ass. Mine caught between my stomach and the bed, the friction driving me wild. Kerry’s lips on mine, on my back and my shoulders, on my temple and jaw. His tongue licking the shell of my ear and my earlobe. His teeth scraping my neck as he fucks me. This feeling of fullness . . . I’d forgotten what it’s like. Or maybe I’ve just never felt it quite like this before.</p><p>‘Ah, fuck, Ker . . . I’m gonna come soon!’</p><p>‘Yeah?’</p><p>‘Mhm . . .’</p><p>‘Me too.’ He licks a trail from the nape of my neck to my ear. ‘Gonna come inside you, V,’ he whispers. He kisses the soft skin behind my ear. ‘Gonna fill you.’ Then he shifts his weight, grabs my hips and raises them a little so he can get his hand on my cock, and starts jerking me.</p><p>‘Shit, Kerry, I’m—’ And I can’t even finish, because at that moment my orgasm hits me hard and I cry out, grasping at the sheets. My hips buck and I shake, shiver. My body tightens around him and he comes too, but his hand is still on me and I’m still moving and my moment just keeps going. I practically expel his cock from my ass with how tight it gets, before I finally whimper, ‘Stop! Too . . . too much . . .’ and he takes his hand away.</p><p>Kerry kisses my shoulder, rolls off me onto his back, and laughs. ‘Jesus, V. That was . . . fuck me, that was intense.’</p><p>Once I have enough breath back, I laugh too. My voice is a little hoarse. ‘Yeah. Really was.’ I stay on my stomach, face turned toward him, and Kerry turns over onto his side. He raises his hand and strokes my cheek with the backs of his fingers, running his thumb over my bottom lip, and then kisses me gently. I roll onto my side and caress his jaw, scraping blunt fingernails through his beard. His hand goes to my shoulders and his fingers trace patterns over my tattoos, but his eyes are fixed on mine, a smile on his face.</p><p>Then he frowns. ‘Why do you like me, kid?’</p><p>I smirk, sliding my fingers into his hair. ‘What makes you think I like you, old man?’ I quip, then kiss him on the lips.</p><p>When I pull back again, he laughs and says, ‘Well, that, for one.’</p><p>I purse my lips. ‘Okay, yeah. Granted, that’s some pretty compelling evidence right there.’ I shrug one shoulder. ‘I dunno, why do you like <em>me</em>?’</p><p>‘Nuh-uh, I asked first,’ he says firmly.</p><p>‘I guess . . .’ I consider my words for a moment. ‘I mean, aside from the obvious, like how hot you are and your bein’ a global superstar and how much I love your voice—’</p><p>He scoffs. ‘My voice? Really?’</p><p>‘Fuck, yes, your voice. Anyway, aside from all of that . . . I like how there’s more to you than meets the eye. I mean, when we first met, once I stopped feelin’ starstruck, you were kinda obnoxious, actually. Just seemed like another spoiled, narcissistic rockerboy. But then, I already knew that wasn’t really true.’</p><p>‘’Cause of Johnny.’</p><p>‘Yeah. But he knew you over fifty years ago, so it didn’t have that much of an impact on my perception. Not at first, anyway. But . . . then you opened up to me. Got a glimpse after the gig, then when we had coffee . . . and I started gettin’ to the why of it. And then at Dark Matter, you were . . . vulnerable. Naked. Y’know, figuratively. Made me . . . wanna know you more.’</p><p>I can’t quite interpret the look on his face. There’s a hint of surprise, but it’s deeper than that. He clears his throat. ‘I, uh . . . that may be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.’</p><p>‘Your turn,’ I tell him. ‘Why do you like me?’</p><p>‘Why?’ He stares at me in incredulity, both eyebrows raised. ‘V, you saved me. I was in a really dark place when you came along.’</p><p>‘Yeah, but that was Johnny.’</p><p>‘Sure, the gig, all that . . . but that could never have happened without you, and everything that came after, that was all you. The things you said to me, Johnny would never have said that. You . . . lifted me up and grounded me at the same time.’ He chews his lip for a moment, then sighs. ‘I told Johnny . . . I said the whole suicide attempt was just a publicity stunt. It . . . it wasn’t.’ He pauses, shakes his head. ‘I dunno if it was one hundred percent serious either, but . . . I was definitely toying with the idea.’</p><p>‘Oh, Kerry,’ I say, at the same time as I hear Johnny’s voice in my head saying the exact same thing. ‘I’m sorry.’</p><p>‘Don’t be. You pulled me out of that pit. Johnny too, to give credit where credit’s due, but . . . mostly you. That’s . . . that’s why I gave you my gun. ’Cause that’s how I was gonna, y’know . . .’</p><p>‘Right. Yeah.’</p><p>‘Label spun it. Mental health awareness sells, apparently.’</p><p>I lean in again, kiss his lips. ‘Thanks for tellin’ me.’</p><p>‘Only way I can explain what you did for me, V. You’ve saved my life. You helped me believe in myself in a way I haven’t since . . . well, maybe ever. You were what I needed when I needed it. So . . . thank you.’</p><p>‘I was?’ I say, before I can stop myself. ‘Past tense?’</p><p>He smiles. ‘No, V. You’re still what I need. What I want.’ And he kisses me again.</p><p>I get up to go to the bathroom and clean up, removing the packer and sticking it back in its box. When I get back to bed, it’s getting chilly, so we get under the covers and make out like teenagers for a while. Then Kerry says, ‘You really like my voice?’</p><p>I laugh. ‘You’re an international rockstar, Ker, is that so hard to believe? Millions love your voice.’</p><p>‘Don’t care about the millions,’ he says. ‘Just the one.’</p><p>‘I’ve always loved your voice,’ I tell him. ‘Especially loved it the way it was back in the Samurai days. Raw, unfettered.’ I run my finger along the golden edge of his throat implant. ‘Not sure what you need these for.’</p><p>Kerry takes my hand and kisses it. ‘Well, you said it. Raw and unfettered. I messed up my vocal chords pretty badly ’cause I had no fuckin’ clue what I was doing.’ He frowns. ‘Still don’t get it. Everyone liked Johnny’s singing better.’</p><p>‘Not true,’ I tell him. ‘You were both good, in different ways. His clean vocals had a lotta depth, this dark, round cadence. Yours had . . . somethin’ else. Less tangible. This almost ethereal quality, sometimes. Hard to put into words, but there was so much <em>feelin</em>’.’</p><p>‘I . . .’ He blinks. ‘Thank you.’</p><p>I snuggle up against him, my head on his chest, and he puts both arms around me. ‘Sing to me, Kerry,’ I say after several long moments.</p><p>‘Huh?’</p><p>‘C’mon, we’ve been talkin’ about your voice, now I wanna hear it. Sing somethin’.’</p><p>‘What should I sing?’</p><p>I shrug. ‘Whatever you want.’</p><p>‘Hmm . . .’ Kerry seems to consider for a long time. Then, just as I’m about to let him off the hook, he sings, very softly, ‘<em>I saw in you what life was missing. You lit a flame that consumed my hate. I’m not one for reminiscing, but I’d trade it all for your sweet embrace . . .</em>’</p><p>‘Hey, that’s <em>my</em> tune,’ says Johnny, appearing just within my field of vision. The words signal annoyance, but he doesn’t sound annoyed.</p><p>Kerry goes on, skipping the normally screamed bits.<em> ‘There’s a canvas with two faces of fallen angels who loved and lost. It was a passion for the ages, and in the end guess we paid the cost.</em>’ I’m surprised when he starts on the chorus and I hear a second voice, singing the lower harmony. It’s Johnny. ‘<em>A thing of beauty, I know, will never fade away. What you did to me, I know, said what you had to say. But a thing of beauty . . .</em>’</p><p>They both fall silent. ‘See?’ I murmur. ‘Beautiful.’</p><p>‘Johnny wrote that after Alt died,’ says Kerry.</p><p>‘I know.’</p><p>‘The band wasn’t even together then,’ he continues, ‘but when he’d finished it, he called me. And he said . . . said he couldn’t record it without me. He put it on a solo album, but he wanted <em>me</em> to sing lead.’</p><p>‘Maybe it was too painful,’ I say, glancing at Johnny who looks away, frowning. A yawn takes me before I can say anything else.</p><p>‘Sleepy?’ Kerry asks, kissing my temple.</p><p>‘Mhm . . . sing me to sleep, Eurodyne.’</p><p>He laughs softly, shaking his head, but as I close my eyes, he continues the song, and when it gets to the chorus, Johnny joins in again. I listen to them both until sleep takes me.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ugh, was the singing bit cheesy? It was cheesy, wasn't it?</p><p>In the game, they're playing Never Fade Away in the flashback to Alt's death, but according to the wiki (which I guess means it's in one of the books?), Johnny wrote the song after she died. Not the first time game canon conflicts with previously established canon, from what I can tell. Also according to the wiki, it appears on the Samurai album A Cool Metal Fire, along with Chippin' In, but in the game there's a whole record called Never Fade Away. Since the Never Fade Away vinyl in the game says Silverhand on it rather than Samurai, I figured it's a solo album (Samurai were active 2003-2008, 2013, and 2020-2023, so makes sense for the second break-up to have happened just after Alt died), but to make it fit with my Samurai headcanon and who sings how, Kerry had to have been in it too. So, yeah. That's my reasoning. All this is coming out of my ass, so... grain of salt.</p><p>Compa de Heywood is a real drink in the game. Recipe can be found on a shard called Drink Menu, upstairs in El Coyote Cojo. It consists of tequila reposado, black spiced rum, lime, seeded jalapeño, and soy sauce. Sounds tasty, I may try mixing it some day.</p><p>Thanks for reading! There will be one more chapter. I've written the ending, so now I just need some smut to go with it...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I Know the End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>V knows he's coming up on the end. He wants to spend the time he has with Kerry.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: vomit, mentions of transphobia</p><p>This one got kinda sad. Sorry not sorry. Also, I'm addicted to photo mode, so there's a pic of my V with Kerry at the end. I think in chapter 1 I said his hair was blue, but it's blue and green.</p><p>This chapter was titled after <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ9-xN6dCW4&amp;feature=emb_title">I Know the End by Phoebe Bridgers</a>, which is legit one of the most beautiful, powerful songs I know of. Go listen to it. Don't let the start fool you; it goes out with a bang.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They call it ‘getting your affairs in order’. That thing you do when you think you might die, or know you will. I feel like that’s what I’ve been doing the past few days. Been meeting up with friends, calling people on the holo, clearing my calendar and finishing up jobs that need doing. Episodes are getting worse, closer together. Can’t afford to wait much longer.</p><p>I roll up at Kerry’s around seven, parking my bike next to his car and entering the house unannounced. He’s said I can drop by any time, so that’s what I do. ‘Kerry?’ I call.</p><p>‘I’m upstairs, kid,’ comes the reply, from the direction of the bedroom. I take the steps two at a time and find him sitting on the bed with one of his guitars. In front of him is a good old-fashioned piece of lined paper onto which he’s scribbling down musical notes with a pencil. Now he puts the pencil down and looks up at me, smiling. ‘Hey. There you are.’</p><p>I return his smile and bend to kiss him. ‘Hey. Workin’ hard?’</p><p>He shrugs. ‘Done about as much on this thing as I can today.’ He picks up the paper and stuffs it in a drawer, then places the guitar on the floor next to the nightstand. ‘How was your day? Kill anyone interesting?’</p><p>I laugh. ‘My work consists of more than killin’, Ker. I consider myself more of a . . . thief than an assassin, most of the time. ’Sides, I try to only flatline people if I gotta.’</p><p>‘Merc with morals, huh?’</p><p>‘Maybe.’ I sit. ‘I dunno . . . If I got a job where I gotta neutralise a target, I try to go in quiet. Random gonks I just knock out. Zero the bad guy, then get the fuck out. If killin’ ain’t in the job description, I don’t do it ’less I have to. Like, if I’m in danger. Or, very occasionally, if they really deserve it.’</p><p>‘You’re such a pussy,’ Johnny says, appearing at the foot of the bed. ‘Pacifist merc? Please!’</p><p>‘Never said I was a pacifist,’ I tell him. Out loud, I continue, ‘Just don’t like unnecessary loss of life. Enough death in this world as it is.’</p><p>‘Well, you’re not wrong,’ says Kerry. ‘Now, let’s talk about something a little more pleasant . . .’ He leans in close, lips close to my ear. ‘I’ve been thinking about you all day. I really need to get fucked.’</p><p>His words send a jolt through my body, down to my groin. As it happens, I did remember to wear my dick today. ‘That so?’ I murmur.</p><p>‘Mhm . . .’ Then he kisses me, sliding his soft, wet tongue inside my mouth, and I hungrily kiss him back, pulling him into my lap so he’s straddling my thighs. He puts his arms around my neck, grinding against me. I tilt back my head and pull him close so our chests are flush together.</p><p>When he pulls back a little, I say, ‘That can prolly be arranged,’ and I grab his ass with both hands, squeezing hard. Kerry’s eyes flutter closed and he groans, head falling forward so his forehead rests against mine.</p><p>‘Good,’ he whispers. Then he lets go of me and pulls off his shirt. I immediately take advantage, pressing my lips to his exposed collarbone. I lick down to his left nipple, liking the reaction I get as Kerry arches his back with a soft moan. I take the hard bud gently between my teeth and suck on it. ‘Ah, yeah . . .’ he breathes. I tweak the other between my thumb and forefinger, and his hips buck. ‘Ah!’</p><p>I’m learning new things about Kerry every day. Both what he likes in bed and what he’s like as a person. I soak it all up like a sponge, every moment, taking what I can get for as long as I can.</p><p>He gets off me, gets to his knees on the floor and pulls my pants down, revealing my silicone dick, which is already hard. He takes it in his hand, stroking it slowly a few times before giving the tip a teasing lick.</p><p>‘What’s it like?’ I ask, my voice breathless.</p><p>‘Hm?’ Kerry licks it again.</p><p>‘Ah! Um . . . sucking it. I mean . . . it doesn’t taste . . .’</p><p>‘Like the real thing? No . . . but I can smell you.’ He kisses down the length and buries his nose in my groin. ‘It’s kind of like sucking a cock with a condom on it, only not quite. It’s nothin’ like a dildo. It . . . feels real, ’cause it’s yours.’</p><p>I slide my fingers into his hair as he takes this extension of me into his mouth. I feel it all; his tongue, the hot cavern of his mouth, his breath, his saliva. ‘Fuck, Ker . . . I love your mouth . . .’ He chuckles around my cock, and it reverberates through the silicone and cybernetics into my biodick and up my spine, feels like. ‘Good for a lotta things . . . that mouth o’ yours . . .’</p><p>Kerry looks up at me through his lashes, and then he opens up his throat and takes it all the way in.</p><p>‘Ah, fuck!’ I shut my eyes. ‘<em>Fuuuuck</em> . . . So good . . .’</p><p>I don’t get to come. Too soon, he pulls his mouth off me again and stands up. ‘Get your clothes off.’</p><p>I grin. I like it when he’s impatient. ‘Yes, sir.’ I stand up and get undressed, watching as Kerry peels off his pants. As soon as I’ve pulled my shirt over my head, he’s there again, kissing me and pressing his bare chest against mine, his hard cock rubbing against my thigh. ‘How d’you want me?’ I whisper against his mouth.</p><p>‘Don’t care.’ He’s breathless, desperate. ‘Just need you in me.’</p><p>‘Then get on your back, on the bed.’ He does as I ask, and I climb up after him, grabbing the lube from the nightstand. While I open him up with my fingers, I take his gorgeous cock into my mouth, sucking him off while I finger his ass.</p><p>‘Fuck, V,’ he moans. ‘If you’re not careful, I’ll come.’</p><p>I take my mouth off him for a minute and look up at him. ‘Then come. You’ll have plenty of time to build up for another one. Wanna taste you.’ I take his hand, place it on my head so he can grab hold of my dreadlocks. Then I swallow his cock again, taking him as deep as I can and sucking hard while my fingers locate his prostate. I press my thumb against his taint at the same time.</p><p>‘Ah! Oh, my . . . fucking . . . V!’ Seems I’ve rendered Kerry Eurodyne incoherent, and I’m prouder of this than I have any right to be. His thighs tremble, his back arches, and he blows his load into my mouth. I swallow it all, making sure to lick him clean.</p><p>I let him have a break after that, lie down next to him and kiss him, running my hand all over his torso, feeling his skin beneath my fingertips, his heartbeat beneath my palm as I lay my hand flat on his chest. ‘You got any idea how hot you are?’ I ask softly.</p><p>‘Well, I look pretty good for my age,’ he says with a small shrug.</p><p>I bite his shoulder. ‘You look pretty good for <em>any</em> age,’ I say firmly. ‘And don’t you forget it.’</p><p>A faint, pink tinge enters his cheeks. ‘How do you do that?’</p><p>‘Do what?’</p><p>‘Make me feel . . .’ He looks away. ‘Never mind. You gonna fuck me or what?’</p><p>I don’t press the issue. Instead I roll on top of him, kiss his throat, his jaw, his cheek and lips while I lube myself up. He spreads his legs for me and I hook them over my elbows before pressing inside. His ass his tight and hot, like his mouth was. The sight of him, of his face, mouth open and eyes closed as he arches his back and groans, is almost enough to make me come.</p><p>He lets me set the pace this time. I go for slow and deep, angling my thrusts to hit his prostate, and it doesn’t take long before he’s moaning underneath me. He puts his arms around my neck, pulls me closer, kisses me hard. I pick up speed, losing myself in him. My breath comes in short bursts and my heart is racing. I reach between us, where he’s getting hard again, and stroke his cock while I fuck him.</p><p>‘V . . . V, I’m gonna come soon . . . I . . . I need you to . . .’ He swallows. ‘Need you to come too!’</p><p>And I wish at that moment that I had a real cock so I could fill him with my hot cum like he filled me. I move faster, fuck him harder, until my climax hits me and my hips move erratically of their own volition. ‘Ah, fuck, Ker!’ I kiss him, stroke him faster, and he comes for a second time, spilling over my hand and his own stomach.</p><p>Rolling off him, I reach for some tissues and wipe off my hand and his stomach. I kiss around his bellybutton and he laughs. No, giggles.</p><p>‘That tickles, you gonk!’</p><p>Nosing his navel, I look up at him. ‘Oh really? You’re ticklish, are you?’</p><p>‘Yes, and I swear to god, if you tickle me, I’ll—’ But I don’t get to find out what he’ll do, because he dissolves into a fit of laughter as I begin to tickle his sides. ‘M-mercy!’ he manages. ‘Please, stop!’</p><p>I stop. ‘Well, since you ask so nicely.’ Then I stretch out next to him and kiss him, and we lie there for a little while, facing each other. His hand lies open on the mattress and I take it in mine, lacing our fingers together. Finally, my curiosity gets the better of me and I say, ‘What is it I make you feel?’</p><p>He releases a short, quiet laugh. ‘I dunno . . . like everything’s . . . new? Kinda? Christ, <em>I </em>don’t even know what I mean.’ He bites his lip, looking at our joined hands. ‘Like this all means something. I’ve . . . not had a lot of meaningful relationships in my life.’</p><p>I pull the covers over us and take Kerry in my arms, pulling him close. ‘But you were married at one point, weren’t you?’</p><p>Kerry nods. ‘Yeah. Her name’s Louise. Had two kids together and everything.’</p><p>‘So you married a woman. I thought you were gay?’</p><p>‘I am. Only one of many reasons why it didn’t work out. Doesn’t mean I didn’t love her, though.’ He smiles. ‘My kids too. Ted and Kim. But . . . I haven’t seen ’em in years. Louise didn’t want me to. Can’t say I blame her. Like I said before, I make for a shitty dad. They’re grown now, want nothin’ to do with me. Shit, my oldest must be nearly your age. Fuck . . .’ He laughs. ‘Don’t think about that. Please.’</p><p>I laugh too. ‘Okay, old man, I won’t.’</p><p>‘My turn to ask a question.’ He fixes me with his shining, cybernetically blue eyes. ‘What’s your real name?’ Then he looks away. ‘You, uh, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want.’</p><p>‘No, it’s okay.’ I smile, taking his hand and pressing it to my chest. ‘It’s Vincent. My mom helped me pick it when I told her I didn’t wanna be a girl. But everyone’s just called me V since I was twelve or somethin’. ’Cept my brother.’ I make a face. ‘He called me Valerie.’</p><p>Kerry frowns. ‘Seriously?’</p><p>‘Yeah . . . My parents were real supportive. Dad even took the eddies out of our savings to pay for blockers and hormones for me when I hit puberty. But my brother couldn’t deal. Kept callin’ me his sister. Called me a freak. Said I’d never be his brother. Y’know . . . stuff like that.’</p><p>‘And here I thought that kind of shit died out back in the twenties. I’m sorry, V.’</p><p>‘Yeah. We stopped talkin’. Then he went off and died in the Metal Wars, leavin’ just Dad and me, so . . . that’s that.’ Talking about this used to make me sad. I’m surprised at how little I feel now. Nothing like your own mortality to bring shit into perspective, I guess.</p><p>‘His loss,’ says Kerry softly and strokes my cheek. ‘So . . . can I call you Vincent?’</p><p>I laugh. ‘I’m so used to V. But if you really want—’ Pain spikes in my head and I groan. ‘Ah, shit!’ Relic’s malfunctioning again. I turn away from Kerry and cough hard into my hand. The cough triggers my gag reflex and I roll out of bed, stumbling toward the bathroom. Falling to my knees before the toilet, I vomit into the porcelain bowl. I puke until there’s nothing left, then sit down on my ass, back against the wall. ‘Fuck . . .’</p><p>I see Kerry’s bare legs as he enters the bathroom after me. ‘V? You okay, babe?’</p><p>‘Not really.’ I sigh. I can’t keep this up. Can’t put it off any longer.</p><p>While I stare at the floor, Kerry flushes the toilet and gets me a cup of water from the sink. He sits down next to me and hands me the cup. While I drink, he strokes the back of my neck, slowly and soothingly, saying nothing. I rinse my mouth with the last of the water and spit it into the toilet bowl.</p><p>‘I wish I had more time,’ I say, my voice hoarse from throwing up. ‘Wish . . . wish <em>we</em> had more time.’</p><p>‘Yeah. Me too, kid.’ He kisses my temple, then pulls me into him so my head rests on his shoulder. ‘I got you.’</p><p>‘Need to call Hanako tomorrow.’</p><p>Kerry nods. ‘Okay. Then what?’</p><p>‘I dunno. Just, figure out a way to fix this. I . . . I don’t have much time left.’ I look at him. He’s hard to read right now. ‘I don’t wanna go, Ker. Just . . . wanna stay here.’ <em>With you.</em> It’s implied. I don’t have to say it. Fuck. I’ve known him for, what, two weeks? Too short. Too little time. Not enough time to fall in love, not really. But . . .</p><p>His voice pulls me out of my thoughts. ‘Tell Johnny somethin’ for me?’</p><p>I smile. ‘He can hear ya. Can tell him yourself.’</p><p>He nods. ‘Right. Johnny, just . . . promise to bring him back in one piece, okay?’</p><p>The Relic sparks again and with my voice, Johnny says, ‘That’s what I’m trying to do, Kerry.’</p><p>Kerry blinks, studying my face. ‘Was . . . was that you or him?’</p><p>I frown. ‘I . . . it was him. I don’t . . . that doesn’t usually happen.’</p><p>‘Sorry.’ Johnny steps into my field of vision, sitting at the edge of the tub. ‘Didn’t mean to do that. Maybe you should take one of those omega blockers.’</p><p>I shake my head. ‘No. I don’t wanna lock you out.’</p><p>‘Oh. Okay.’ Johnny takes off his aviators, looks at me and Kerry. Something in his expression is . . . almost fond.</p><p>I laugh softly, shaking my head, and pull away from Kerry a little so I can see his face. ‘He loves you, you know.’</p><p>‘Wha—?’ Johnny splutters. ‘I do not! Take that back!’</p><p>Kerry laughs too. ‘I know.’ He sighs. ‘Much as I hated his guts sometimes, I spent a lot of time loving him. Guess a part of me always will. But . . .’ He licks his lips. ‘You gotta know by now, V, that what I feel for you is totally separate from what I felt for him.’ And even though I just threw up, he leans in and kisses my lips chastely.</p><p>We go back to bed after that, and I fall asleep in Kerry’s arms. I wake up at some point in the night, from a dream I can’t remember, and he holds me, kisses me, and we fuck quietly and gently, face to face. He’s on top, I removed my packer before we went to bed. It feels different from before, somehow. Not like fucking so much as . . . something else. Something more.</p><p>The next morning, I call Hanako Arasaka. She tells me to meet her at Embers tonight.</p><p>I need to go home. Need to feed the cat, swing by El Coyote Cojo for a chat with Mama Welles. Need to drop Judy a line, see how she’s doing in Seattle or wherever she is now. Get my affairs in order. So around noon, I finally manage to tear myself away from Kerry. It’s hard, leaving and not knowing when I’ll come back. <em>If</em> I’ll come back. And if I do, will it be me or Johnny in this body?</p><p>Before I leave, I hand him a box.</p><p>‘What’s this?’ he says, and opens it. Then he laughs. ‘You’re . . . giving me your dick?’</p><p>I grin. ‘Nah, just thought I’d leave it with you for safekeeping. I’ll be back for it.’ <em>And you.</em> Once again, it’s implied. ‘Um, do you think you could stop by my place and check up on my cat? If . . .’ I don’t want to say, <em>If you don’t hear from me.</em> But he understands that too.</p><p>‘Sure, kid.’ He stands, wraps his arms around me, and holds me for a little. Then we kiss, and finally, I step away. ‘See you around, Vincent,’ he says.</p><p>‘Yeah. Catch you later, Ker.’ I put my hands in my pockets and leave the house. Hop on my bike.</p><p>Johnny enters my field of vision, leaning up against the Rayfield. He’s smoking a cigarette. ‘You okay?’</p><p>I nod. ‘Yeah.’</p><p>‘We’ll figure it out, V,’ he says, sounding so sure I almost believe him. ‘I’ll make sure you come back for your dick.’</p><p>Laughing, I start the bike, setting off down the driveway and leaving North Oak behind.</p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Headcanon notes: </p><p>There's a closed door upstairs in Kerry's house, near the area with the bed. This is the upstairs bathroom in my mind.</p><p>I usually play Transmission last last of the Act 2 main jobs. After Tapeworm's finished, V calls Hanako automatically to arrange a meet, but I pretend he doesn't and holds off until he's ready, because otherwise it makes no sense that like two weeks pass in game before I go to meet with her.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Archangel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After a couple of days with the Aldecaldos in the Badlands following Mikoshi, V returns to Night City, and to Kerry.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was riding the momentum from the relative success of this story and started posting a sequel, but it's not getting as many hits. This was starting to get me down, so I decided it shouldn't be a sequel after all (there's no actual reason for it to be, other than the fact that the ending of Chapter 4 was a good way to go out) but instead a continuation of this story. And this way, folks who'd subscribed to this story will get notifications, so... win-win?</p><p>Spoiler warnings for the Stars ending from here on out.</p><p>I needed to write this because that ending was so unsatisfying when you choose Kerry, omg... My first playthrough I romanced Panam, and the Stars ending is like the only one that leaves you with some feeling of hope (at least of the standard endings; I tried to play secret ending with this character but failed spectacularly cause I just didn't have enough hit points to get through it, so I have no idea how that one goes and refuse to look at spoilers).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I wake up in my own bed, for the first time in days. Nibbles is sitting on my chest, staring at me and demanding food. I pet her, glad she’s here; it’s so quiet. I’d forgotten what quiet was like.</p><p>Panam dragged me out of Arasaka two days ago. We went back to the clan. Most survived, though losses were way too heavy. Mitch is alive, but barely. Basilisk fried his neurons pretty bad. We found a new place to camp, set up triage for the wounded. Gonna be a while before the Aldecaldos can head off again, as was the plan. A few weeks, maybe. There wasn’t much more I could do for them, so I went home.</p><p>Last night, I texted Kerry. Didn’t tell him much, just that I was back home and I’d come see him today. His reply was, <em>Nova. Can’t wait,</em> followed by a smiley face and a heart. He always seems to take everything so lightly . . . Still, I wanna see him so bad it hurts.</p><p>I get out of bed, feed Nibbles, and go take a shower. It’s eleven in the morning. I must have slept like the dead. When I get out of the shower and look in the mirror, I half expect to see Johnny looking back at me, like he sometimes did. But it’s just me; my own stupid face. No Johnny. Not anymore.</p><p>It’s a nice day, sunny and warm, so I get dressed in a tank top, jeans, and sneakers. Then I kiss Nibbles goodbye and leave the building. My bike’s downstairs in the garage, and I hop on it and head for North Oak.</p><p>Gonna see Kerry. I’m excited, like a kid at Christmas. Johnny would make fun of me right about now. In that strangely affectionate way he always acts when it comes to me and Kerry. The feigned annoyance when really he’s happy for us.</p><p><em>Was</em> happy for us. Not <em>is</em>. Fuck . . . I push the thought of Johnny from my mind, focus on the road. I feel like I’ve ridden this way a hundred times. I practically go on autopilot, and before I know it I’m going up the driveway, parking my bike next to the Rayfield like always. I look through the window, but he’s not in the living room, so I head for the front door.</p><p>He must have heard me coming, because when I enter, there he is, facing the door, just a few feet in front of me. I come to a complete standstill for a moment, stare at him, take him in. He looks the same, which shouldn’t surprise me, but even though it’s only been a few days, it feels like a lifetime.</p><p>‘V,’ he says softly.</p><p>‘Ker,’ I say in response, my voice almost breaking. I don’t know which one of us takes the remaining steps separating us, but a moment later we’re in each other’s arms, locked in a tight embrace.</p><p>‘God, it’s so good to see you,’ Kerry murmurs against my neck. ‘I didn’t know if . . .’</p><p>‘Yeah. I . . . should’ve called, but I didn’t know what to say. How to tell you about everythin’ that’s happened.’</p><p>‘It’s okay,’ he says, pulling back and looking into my eyes. ‘We’ve got time.’ He takes my face in his hands, just looks at me for a bit, smiling. Then he pulls me close and kisses me, and everything’s right with the world for a little while.</p><p>It doesn’t take long for the kiss to deepen. Doesn’t take long before I’m panting into his mouth, everything forgotten except how much I want him. The feeling appears to be mutual, because he takes my hand and drags me upstairs. We don’t speak. Kerry rids me of my clothes and gets out of his own (somewhere it registers that he was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants), then pulls me close again, pressing us tightly together, chest to chest. His cock is hard against my thigh. I let him take charge. Let him kiss me, bite my throat, lick my nipples. Let him push me down onto the bed on my back. He fingers me while we kiss, until I’m quivering with need, soaking wet and moaning into his mouth. Then he lines up his cock and slides into me with a soft grunt.</p><p>He takes my hand, laces our fingers together and presses it down into the mattress. His other hand is holding onto my thigh. He buries his face in the crook of my neck and whispers, ‘Fuck, I missed you!’</p><p>I laugh softly. ‘Gettin’ sentimental, old man? Only been five days.’</p><p>‘Fuck you,’ he mumbles.</p><p>‘That <em>is </em>what you’re doing.’</p><p>Now he laughs too. Kisses my throat, then gently bites down. ‘Don’t be a wise-ass, kid.’</p><p>I hold onto his shoulders with my free arm and kiss his temple. ‘I missed you too,’ I whisper. Then he slams into me so hard I see stars and I throw my head back with a groan. ‘Fuck . . . missed <em>this</em> . . . Wanted you so bad, Ker . . .’</p><p>He kisses me again. ‘Need you, V . . . Fuck, I just—’ He cuts himself off by kissing me again, before he once again presses his forehead to my shoulder, panting with every thrust. I slide my fingers into his hair. Keep holding on. It’s all I can do.</p><p>The rest of the world slips away. I allow myself to think only of this. To feel only this. Kerry’s cock inside me, his hand in mine, his fingers digging into my thigh, his teeth at my throat. Everything else can wait.</p><p>He doesn’t last long, and I honestly don’t expect him to. When he comes, he lets go of my hand and reaches down between us, jerking me off while we kiss until I fall apart, shaking and moaning.</p><p>‘That’s it,’ he murmurs. ‘Come for me, babe . . .’</p><p>‘Ah! Fuck . . . Stop, I can’t—’ I grit my teeth as the aftershocks of my orgasm shake me. Kerry takes his hand away, rolls off me onto his back, and pulls me into his arms.</p><p>‘I’m so glad you’re here, Vincent.’ He kisses the top of my head. ‘I . . . didn’t know if I’d . . . if we’d . . .’ He makes a frustrated noise and falls silent. Feelings are not Kerry Eurodyne’s strong suit.</p><p>‘I know,’ I say. ‘I didn’t either.’</p><p>It feels so good, just lying in his arms like this. He rubs slow circles into my shoulder with his thumb. ‘So . . . what happened to you?’</p><p>I sigh. ‘I called in a favour, from the Aldecaldos. My friend, Panam, she cooked up a plan with Saul, their leader. Former leader. They were sharing the responsibility, but . . . Saul didn’t survive.’</p><p>Kerry holds me tighter. ‘I’m sorry, V.’</p><p>‘Yeah. He’s not the only one who didn’t come out of it alive, but losses weren’t as heavy as they could’ve been. Grateful for that.’</p><p>‘So what was the plan?’</p><p>‘We tunnelled into Arasaka Tower to get to an access point to Mikoshi. Only had to do a little bit of fighting once we were in, in the end.’</p><p>‘You put my piece to good use?’ he asks, and I smile up at him crookedly.</p><p>‘Shot Adam Smasher in the face with it, actually.’</p><p>He looks at me, both eyebrows raised. ‘Smasher? No shit . . . Good riddance.’</p><p>‘Yeah . . . Once we’d dealt with him, I jacked in and . . .’ I shake my head. ‘Can’t really describe it. Short version is, Johnny’s gone behind the Blackwall and I got my body all to myself again.’</p><p>‘You’ll have to tell me the long version later.’</p><p>‘Mhm . . .’ I kiss Kerry’s chest, wondering how to phrase the next part. I don’t want to say it, because that’ll make it true, but I know I have to, and it needs to be now. ‘But there is another thing you should know.’</p><p>‘Oh?’</p><p>I sigh. ‘The whole thing worked, Johnny and I were separated, but . . . this body, it’s still . . .’ I wet my lips with my tongue. ‘My body’s still dyin’, Kerry.’</p><p>‘What?’ He pulls away, looks at me, and I shut my eyes because there’s emotion there, on his face, and I’m not sure how to deal with it.</p><p>‘I got six months left. Little more, maybe, I manage shit right. Still . . . that’s six months I didn’t have a week ago.’ Kerry’s silent. I look at him again and find him working his jaw, staring at the ceiling. ‘I’m sorry,’ I tell him. ‘Not what you wanted to hear, I bet.’</p><p>Kerry sighs. ‘Guess I was hoping . . .’</p><p>‘That everythin’ would be fine? Me too, Ker. Guess life just ain’t fair.’</p><p>‘Well,’ he holds me tighter still, ‘whatever happens next, I’m . . . I’m glad I got to see you again. I’m glad you came back to—’ He cuts himself off again, biting his lip.</p><p>I take a deep breath. ‘I’m gonna try and fix it. The Aldecaldos, they know people. Thought I might hit the road with ’em for a while, see if we can find someone who can help. They, uh . . . Heh, they kind of adopted me.’</p><p>‘So . . . you’re leaving?’ Kerry’s tone gives nothing away.</p><p>‘I . . . I don’t want to. I don’t wanna leave . . .’ I’m not sure if I should say it. But in the end, I opt for honesty. ‘I don’t wanna leave you, Ker. I . . . I wanna be with you. I don’t usually fall in love easy—’ I close my mouth, realising what I just said and wondering if I’ve been <em>too</em> honest.</p><p>But Kerry kisses my forehead softly. ‘I wanna be with you too, kid. We’ll figure something out, okay?’</p><hr/><p>I spend all day at Kerry’s. We watch TV and talk about stupid, mundane shit. We order some takeout, and it all feels practically domestic, which isn’t something I thought I’d ever experience. We go to bed early, and while I’m brushing my teeth (yeah, I have a toothbrush here now; again, domestic), Kerry comes up behind me and places a box on the corner of the sink.</p><p>‘Kept it safe for ya.’ He grins—I see it in the mirror—and I spit out the toothpaste and laugh.</p><p>‘Thanks, Ker.’ I rinse out my mouth, then turn to him, putting my arms around his neck. ‘Want me to wear it?’</p><p>‘Fuck yeah, I want you to wear it. Need you to fuck me into the mattress, V. Like, right now.’</p><p>And how can I say no to that? I attach my cybernetic packer and then take him to bed. He gets on his stomach and I eat him out. Then I hold him down, biting the back of his neck possessively as I fuck him. It’s gonna bruise. What we did earlier today was slow, almost gentle. Loving. An outpouring of emotion, releasing days worth of longing and yearning. This is hard and desperate, a different kind of release.</p><p>‘Really wish I had a real dick sometimes,’ I whisper into his ear. ‘So when I come I could fill you up, watch my cum drip out of you after. Own you like you own me.’</p><p>Kerry groans at that. ‘Fuck yeah . . . but . . . it doesn’t matter. You own me already. No one’s . . . I swear, it’s never felt this good . . . Ah, fuck! Kiss me, V!’</p><p>I do, and he moans into my mouth, his body tightening, hips bucking, and I realise he’s coming just from the friction against the sheets underneath us. I feel his ass contract, and my own orgasm follows his in quick succession. ‘Shit, Ker . . .’ I come to a halt, kissing the back of his neck where my teeth left a purple bruise. I almost say it then, but I know it’s too soon. Know it’s just the release of post-coital hormones into my brain that make me feel this sappy and sentimental. Right after sex is the worst possible time to say it, because it might not be true, and once it’s said you can’t take it back.</p><p>I pull out, lie down on my side and stroke his back. He rolls over too, back against my chest so I can spoon him.</p><p>Instead of letting out all the stupid sentimental shit in my brain, I ask him, ‘Did you mean that?’</p><p>Kerry makes a satisfied noise. ‘Hm? Mean what?’</p><p>‘That no one’s ever made you feel this good.’</p><p>‘Hmm . . . not actually what I said, you know.’</p><p>‘Yeah, but you started to say it. It’s what you meant. I’m not totally fluent in Eurodyne yet, but I’m definitely conversational.’</p><p>Kerry laughs. ‘You’re gettin’ there, V.’ He lets out a slow breath. ‘Yeah, I meant it. Prolly that silicone cock of yours. Just fits right, I guess.’</p><p>I snort. ‘Sure, Kerry. That’s prolly it.’ I kiss his shoulder, then yawn.</p><p>‘You need sleep,’ he says, and turns around so he’s facing me. He strokes my cheek, then kisses my lips. ‘Get some rest, V. I’m gonna get up, compose for a bit, but I’ll be close by, okay?’</p><p>‘Okay,’ I murmur sleepily. ‘Go make some music, Ker.’ I’m asleep before he’s even sat up.</p><hr/><p>At two in the morning, I wake up sweating and shaking and feeling sick. Kerry gently shook me awake, and now he’s staring at me with a look of concern. ‘You okay, V?’</p><p>I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. I think I’ve managed, and I say, ‘Yeah. I’m . . . I’m fine.’ But then I burst into tears, burying my face in the pillow in shame. What am I, a child? Waking up from a nightmare and crying like a baby? Great impression I’m making.</p><p>But Kerry pulls me into his arms. ‘Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay now, I got you.’ He strokes my back, kisses the top of my head. ‘Everything’s all right.’ For someone who has such a hard time with emotions at the best of times, Kerry’s surprisingly adept at dealing with mine when it really counts.</p><p>‘Christ, I’m sorry . . .’ I sniff, trying not to get snot on his bare chest because that’s just rude. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me, fuck . . .’ But that’s a lie. I know exactly what’s wrong with me. For now, though, I let myself be comforted. I allow Kerry to rub the shaved sides of my head, whisper reassurances, and finally I calm enough to pull away and kiss him. ‘Thanks.’</p><p>‘Hey, don’t worry about it. Did you, ah . . . was it a bad dream, or . . . ?’</p><p>I nod. ‘You could say that.’ I let out a shaky sigh. ‘Fuck . . . it felt so real, y’know?’</p><p>‘Wanna tell me about it?’</p><p>I sit up, pulling my knees up to my chest. He remains lying on his back, looking up at me and stroking my lower back reassuringly. ‘It was about Mikoshi. Not, uh . . . not how it actually went down, just . . .’ I bite my lip. ‘I need to tell you somethin’, Ker.’</p><p>‘Anything.’</p><p>I give a short, humourless laugh. I’m scared. Scared of how he’ll take this, because in a way, it’s like I murdered his best friend. Or that’s how it feels to me, anyway. ‘Right. Well . . . back in Mikoshi, I had a choice. I could go back in my body, send Johnny beyond the Blackwall, and live for six months, or . . . I could go beyond the Blackwall myself, give my body to Johnny, and he could live out a full, natural life.’</p><p>Kerry frowns. ‘What . . . how?’</p><p>‘The biochip, it rewrote my neurons, then attacked my body, making it . . . compatible with Johnny’s engram but not with mine. So . . . Johnny could have lived, while I can’t.’ I feel the tears start again, silent this time. They drip off the end of my nose onto my bare arms. ‘He . . . he told me to go, to live my six months and make the most of it. But . . . I dunno if I made the right choice. In my dream, he was angry. Pissed off that I wouldn’t let him have it. Hurt, because I said . . . I told him, a while back, I’d let him have my body if worse came to worst. I feel like I betrayed him, like . . . like I killed him.’</p><p>Kerry sits, putting an arm around my shoulders. ‘Hey. Vincent, look at me.’ And it’s probably the use of my real name that makes me comply. ‘Listen to me. You didn’t betray Johnny. You made the right choice. Body wasn’t his. Hell, he’s been dead for over fifty years. Much as that thing in your head felt like Johnny, <em>was</em> Johnny . . . it also wasn’t. It was a memory. An engram.’</p><p>‘Technically, so am I now.’ It’s scary to voice it out loud. ‘I got blasted with Soulkiller when I went in there, then my engram got written back onto the Relic. If Johnny wasn’t real . . . am I?’</p><p>Kerry blows out a heavy breath of air and shakes his head. ‘Listen . . . I don’t know much about science and shit. I’m just a gonk musician. But . . . Khian, my guru, he says . . . He says, we’re not our bodies or our minds alone. We’re made up of both. That’s our earthly existence, that’s what’s real. You are your mind right now, in <em>your</em> body. Whether that mind is stored on a chip or in a ’ganic brain, seems to me that don’t matter. You’re you, Vincent. You’re V. And that’s who you are to everyone around you. To me. Going into Mikoshi, did it change how you feel? About your friends, about . . . about me?’</p><p>I shake my head slowly. ‘No. I feel different about me, though.’</p><p>‘I don’t think anyone could go through that and come out of it not feeling differently about themselves,’ he says. ‘But you still <em>feel</em>. Couldn’t’ve fucked me like you did earlier if you didn’t.’ He smirks.</p><p>It’s true. My body still feels like it’s mine. I have all the same sensory inputs and perceptions. Everything feels real. When I look in the mirror, I see myself the way I’ve always been, other than the couple of months I spent sharing my body with Johnny. I meet Kerry’s eye and nod. ‘Yeah.’ I smile. ‘I’m . . . this feels like me.’</p><p>‘Then it <em>is</em> you. You’re a whole being. So you may only get to live for six months. But like you said, that’s six months longer than last week. And I’m glad it was you who came back. My Johnny’s dead, and I made my peace with that a long time ago. My V, though? He’s <em>alive</em>! He’s real. And he’s right here. Right where he’s supposed to be.’</p><p>I smile through the tears that are still running down my cheeks. ‘I . . . still miss him, though. It’s like a part of me is just . . . gone.’</p><p>‘I know how you feel, believe it or not. He might not have been in my head in the literal sense, but . . . take it from me, and everyone else who knew him: he was an asshole, but it takes a long time to get over Johnny Silverhand.’</p><p>He kisses me again. Then we lie down together, and he holds me. Unprompted, he sings to me—the song he played for me on the boat, with some words this time, though I don’t really pick up on their meaning—until the tears stop and I drift off to sleep again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Take Me Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following morning, I wake up to Kerry’s lips trailing soft kisses down the back of my neck, and I smile. ‘Mornin’.’</p><p>‘Mm, you’re awake,’ he murmurs. ‘’Bout time.’</p><p>The length of his body is pressed up against my back and I can’t help noticing how his hard cock is pressing against the cleft of my ass. ‘So are you. And . . . specific parts of you.’</p><p>He laughs softly. ‘Yeah, I think that woke up first.’ His hand slides down my side to squeeze my ass. ‘Need to fuck you.’</p><p>‘Yeah?’ I gasp as he presses his thumb against my asshole. ‘Ah! I’d . . . I’d like that.’</p><p>I can feel his smile against my skin, hear it in his voice. ‘Good.’ He pulls away for long enough to grab the lube off the nightstand, then returns to kissing my neck while he squeezes some out onto his finger and rubs it against my hole. I’m still wearing my packer from last night, and it starts getting hard pretty fast when he slides his finger inside. Then he pulls it out, replacing it with his cock, and presses inside me. We both groan.</p><p>‘Fuck, yeah . . .’ I murmur, closing my eyes.</p><p>‘Love your ass,’ Kerry says, then bites into my neck as he bottoms out. ‘Love making it mine. I enjoy everything we do together, but this . . . fuck, you’re tight!’ He reaches around and takes hold of my dick.</p><p>‘Oh, god!’ I groan.</p><p>‘I love this just as much as you fucking me,’ he whispers, then takes my earlobe into his mouth. He pulls his hips back, nearly all the way out, and then thrusts all the way back in while he gives my dick a long, slow stroke. ‘You’re perfect, V.’</p><p>I laugh quietly and reach behind me to grab Kerry by the back of the neck. ‘I think you’re still half asleep, old man, sayin’ shit like that,’ I tease.</p><p>‘Maybe. Still true.’ He lets me pull him forward, and I crane my neck to capture his lips.</p><p>The whole thing only lasts about five minutes. I come, gasping his name, and he follows almost instantly, moaning into my mouth. Then we lie there for a while, his softening cock still inside me, before he finally says, ‘Let’s go take a shower.’</p><p>The last time I was here, I sat on the floor of this bathroom, thinking I was about to die. Kerry comforted me. So did Johnny. Something clenches in my chest, clutching at my heart, and again I try to shake Johnny out of my mind. No matter how hard I try, though, I can’t. I still miss him.</p><p>‘You okay, Vincent?’ Kerry asks, kissing the back of my shoulder and reaching for the shampoo.</p><p>I nod. ‘Yeah. Just . . . a lot on my mind.’</p><p>‘Still thinking about him, aren’t you?’</p><p>I turn to look at him, giving him a half smile. ‘That obvious?’</p><p>‘Kinda.’ Kerry returns my smile. ‘I mean, I get it.’</p><p>‘I know you do,’ I say, closing my eyes as I place myself under the spray of the shower, letting it wash down over my head and face. I step a little to the side again and rub water out of my eyes before opening them. ‘But you also don’t. You have no idea what it’s like to . . . share a mind. He always knew what I was thinkin’. If he were still here, he’d show up right about now, make some sarcastic comment, an observation on how pathetic I’m bein’ right now for . . . I dunno. Missin’ him.’</p><p>‘Did you know what he was thinking too?’ Kerry asks curiously, head cocked to the side.</p><p>‘No. Not unless he told me. Sometimes I saw flashes, memories. Usually when I was dreamin’.’</p><p>‘Ever see me in those?’ Kerry’s tone is casual, but I can tell from the look in his eye he’s anxious to hear the answer.</p><p>I nod. ‘Couple of times. Saw you fight after the gig on the night Alt was taken.’</p><p>‘Night he shot a gun at the audience.’</p><p>I laugh. ‘Yeah. That was when I was lookin’ for Alt in the net, though. When I first got the chip, when it rebooted me, I dreamed about the night he bombed Arasaka. Saw him say goodbye to you. Tell you to go your own way. And there were other little flashes of you in there, in the vaguer memories.’</p><p>‘Huh. Guess that means he thought about me sometimes.’</p><p>‘Yeah. Talked about you too, a little.’ I grab the shower gel and soap myself up, wondering whether to ask about what I’m thinking. ‘Hey . . . did you two ever . . . ?’</p><p>Kerry raises an eyebrow at me. ‘He never told you?’</p><p>‘He said he wasn’t interested ’cause you’ve got a cock. But he also said he occasionally swung both ways . . . I never asked directly.’</p><p>‘We never fucked,’ Kerry says, rinsing shampoo out of his hair. ‘Not for lack of tryin’ on my part. Did other stuff, though. Mostly in our teens. I mean, we were fifteen when we formed Samurai, full of hormones and sleepin’ in the same room most nights. I was into him and he wasn’t totally straight, so something was bound to happen. Mostly just handjobs and makin’ out.’</p><p>In spite of myself, I can’t help imagining the two of them together, and my cheeks feel warm.</p><p>‘You’re picturing it, aren’t you?’ Kerry asks bluntly.</p><p>‘C’mon, Ker.’ I laugh. ‘I’m a man who likes men, and you’re both hot. How could I not?’</p><p>‘Fair point.’ He grins. ‘Long as you think of me the most.’</p><p>I slip my arms around his waist and pull him to me, kissing his lips. ‘I definitely think of you the most.’</p><p>Kerry cups my cheek and looks into my eyes. ‘Good. All I ask.’</p><p>‘And you?’ I lean in, kiss his neck. ‘You think of me the most?’</p><p>Kerry laughs softly. He pulls away from me and almost looks embarrassed as he flashes me a half-sardonic smile and turns his face away. ‘Pretty much think of you only these days.’ The admission fills me with warmth. Kerry sighs. ‘Think he’d approve?’</p><p>‘Pretty sure he <em>did</em> approve.’ I start rinsing the soap suds off my body. ‘When I called you . . . you know, when we talked a few days ago, that was right before I made up my mind about what to do. Johnny told me if there was anyone I wanted to say goodbye to, I should call ’em. When I said I wanted to call you, he gave me this . . . look. He acted aloof, but there was this little half smile as if he was secretly pleased. And sure, he mocked me when we started fucking, but . . . he also said we deserve to be happy.’ I chuckle, remembering. ‘And, you remember that night you sang <em>Never Fade Away</em> to me?’</p><p>‘After our date.’</p><p>‘Yeah. He sang the lower harmonies.’</p><p>‘No shit?’</p><p>‘It was pretty awesome. My own private a capella Samurai gig.’ I turn to face Kerry again, taking his hand. ‘I think part of him was kinda jealous, in a way. Not of me cause he wanted you or you cause he wanted me—I don’t think he wanted either of us that way—but just ’cause he had to watch us be happy and knew it was something he could never have. And that it was his own fault.’</p><p>‘Think you were a positive influence on him, V.’ Kerry smiles. ‘Kinda wish you’d been around back then. Maybe you could’ve been a friend to him, reached him in a way none of us could.’</p><p>I shake my head. ‘Nah, he was a stubborn bastard. If I changed him, it’s cause we literally shared a brain for a few weeks. Doubt I coulda changed anything when he was alive.’</p><p>‘Don’t sell yourself short, V.’ Kerry puts his arms around me again and looks into my eyes. ‘I don’t think you realise what a profound impact you have on the people around you. Just like he did.’</p><p>I blink, trying to process what he just said. ‘I don’t . . . I’m not that special.’</p><p>‘You really believe that, don’t you?’ He shakes his head, then kisses my lips. It’s chaste and gentle. ‘Guess I’ll just have to find a way to prove it to you.’</p><hr/><p>I head back to Watson in the afternoon. I need to see Misty and Vik. I let them both know I was alive by text but I haven’t seen them yet. I head down to Vik’s clinic first. I’m a little nervous, truth be told—the last time we spoke, we argued, after all—but seeing him sitting there as always, some boxing match playing in the background, fills me with sudden calm and a great deal of affection.</p><p>I clear my throat. ‘Hey, Vik.’</p><p>He looks up at me abruptly. ‘V.’ I watch him work his jaw for a moment, swallowing, before he stands up, crosses the floor, and hugs me. I wasn’t expecting that. I can’t remember him ever hugging me before. Still, I hug him back. ‘Good to see you, kid,’ he says softly.</p><p>‘Yeah, you too.’ I step out of his embrace and smile. I note that his eyes are a little more wet than usual. ‘How’s things?’</p><p>‘Oh, you know.’ He sits back down. ‘Same old, same old. Just work, really.’ He studies me for a moment. ‘Glad you took matters into your own hands. I . . . was worried about you, but you seem to have come out of it okay.’</p><p>‘Yeah . . . construct’s gone and all. But . . .’ I hesitate. I hate having to tell everyone about this. It feels like coming out all over again, only this time my life actually hangs in the balance. But Vik’s my ripperdoc. He needs to know.</p><p>‘But?’ he prompts, folding his arms.</p><p>I sigh. ‘I’m still dyin’. Relic’s rewritten too much of my biology. Alt . . . the AI that separated me and Johnny, she said I’ve got about six months.’</p><p>‘And you’re only telling me this now?’ Vik sounds almost angry. ‘Fuck me, V . . . Okay, get in the chair so I can have a look at you.’</p><p>I do as I’m told. Don’t feel like I have much choice. And a small part of me thinks, <em>Maybe Vik can do it. Maybe he can figure out a way for me to live. </em>He’s brilliant, after all. Best ripper in NC. He examines the chip, performs a bunch of tests, and I lie there, quiet and waiting, because I can’t think of anything to say.</p><p>Finally, Vik sits back, arms folded and staring at the screen. He looks grim.</p><p>‘So?’ I say. ‘How’s it lookin’?’</p><p>‘Well . . . this AI’s right. Shit . . .’ He takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. ‘Removing the chip would still kill ya, and it’s still doing it’s thing, only a lot slower now.’</p><p>I breathe out slowly. ‘Yeah. That’s what the Aldecaldos ripper said too.’</p><p>‘I can slow it down some more, with more omega blockers. Should give you another couple months.’</p><p>I nod. ‘Good. Gives me more time to find a different solution.’</p><p>Vik frowns. ‘A different solution?’</p><p>‘I’m not givin’ up yet,’ I say firmly. ‘If there’s a way to fix me, I’m gonna find it. I wanna live, Vik. And . . . I owe it to Johnny.’</p><p>Vik sighs, shaking his head. ‘“Johnny” was a bunch of ones and zeros, kid. He was malware. You don’t owe him a thing.’</p><p>‘I’m a bunch of ones and zeros too now,’ I tell him. ‘I mean, you noticed, right? It’s my engram on the chip now.’</p><p>‘That’s different,’ he says.</p><p>‘Is it?’ I shake my head. ‘Fuck, Vik, I don’t wanna fight with you. I wanna live, what’s it matter why? Plus, I got other reasons too. I’m not even twenty-eight. I got a <em>life</em> ahead of me. I . . . I didn’t tell you this, but I met someone. And I wanna live for him too.’</p><p>‘Well, you’re a stubborn sonofabitch, I’ll give you that,’ says Vik. ‘And I’m glad you’ve got something to live for. I just . . . Short of rewriting the chip so it stops attacking your system and starts restoring your cells to what it was before, I can’t think of anything that might help. And I don’t know of anyone who could actually pull that off. Doubt even the Arasaka eggheads know how. Plus, it’d be risky; they might end up overwriting your engram in the process.’</p><p>‘But that means there’s still a chance.’ I grin at him. ‘Don’t look so glum, Vik. There’s hope. Oh, hey. While you’re in there, could you check my testo pump? Wanna make sure I haven’t damaged it in the middle of all this.’</p><p>‘Yeah, hold on.’ Vik pushes some buttons, looks at his screen. ‘All looks good. You won’t need a topup for another month or so.’</p><p>‘Thanks.’ I stand up. ‘I’ll be goin’ on the road. Not right away, but in a couple weeks. I’ll be joining the Aldecaldos. Goin’ to Arizona first, then we’ll see. They got contacts, they know people. Maybe they can help me find someone who can fix the chip.’</p><p>‘Oh, so you’re a Nomad now?’</p><p>I shrug. ‘Technically, yeah. They kinda adopted me.’</p><p>‘’Course they did . . .’ Vik shakes his head and laughs. ‘Well, if anyone can do it, it’s you, I guess.’ He gets up, going over to a cupboard. ‘Don’t leave without your meds,’ he says, grabbing a pill bottle and tossing it to me. I catch it. My reflexes are still sharp. ‘One every morning. At night if needed. No need if you feel okay.’</p><p>‘Yes, sir,’ I tell him and smile. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll take ’em.’</p><p>‘Good. I hope you do figure it out, V. Drop by again before you leave the city, okay? I’ll set you up with a refill for that pump.’</p><p>‘’Course I will. Wouldn’t leave without sayin’ goodbye anyways.’ I place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze. ‘Thank, Vik. For everythin’ you’ve done for me.’</p><p>‘Well. Just don’t die too soon, kid.’</p><p>‘Not plannin’ on dyin’ at all, if I can help it. See you later.’</p><p>I leave the clinic and cross the alley to Misty’s Esoterica. She’s behind the counter and turns her head when I enter. ‘V!’ She hugs me too. It’s less unexpected from her. ‘I had a feeling you’d be coming by soon. What happened? Tell me everything!’</p><p>And because Misty is Misty, and she’ll sort of get even the things she doesn’t truly understand, I do. I tell her about Saul and Panam, about Smasher, about Alt and Mikoshi. I tell her about going into the well and letting Johnny go behind the Blackwall, and I don’t leave any details out.</p><p>‘Wow,’ she says when I’m done. ‘That’s a lot to take in. So, you’re still dying.’</p><p>‘Yeah.’</p><p>‘Okay, well, let me read your tarot.’</p><p>I smile as she gets out her tarot deck. As she lays out the spread and gives me her reading, I realise I have no right to make fun of Kerry about his guru. Misty’s <em>my </em>guru.</p><p>‘The Chariot . . . drawn this for you a lot, feels like. You’re going on a journey, to find something. Something of importance. It’ll be a long and winding road, but part of that road’s already been travelled, I think.’ She lays a second card. ‘The Star tells me there’s hope. Hope that you’ll find what you’re looking for, and hope that it’ll bring you home.’ She lays down a third card. ‘Strength. You must remain steadfast on your path and not allow your resolve to waver if your journey is to bear fruit. But . . .’ The final card is laid on the counter top. ‘The Hanged Man. Sacrifices will have to be made if you’re to reach your goal.’ She looks at me and smiles. ‘Sounds scary, I know. Just remember, the Star is still there. Trust in your own strength and the strength of those who guide you.’</p><p>I return her smile. ‘Thanks, Misty.’</p><p>‘You don’t really believe in any of this, do you?’ She doesn’t sound angry or disappointed or like she’s judging me, just stating a fact.</p><p>I consider her words for a moment. ‘No,’ I say at last. ‘But . . . after everything that’s happened, I don’t <em>not</em> believe. If that makes sense. All the readings you’ve given me, there’s been some truth to them. Could be coincidence. Prolly is. But could also not be. Y’know?’</p><p>‘You keep an open mind.’ She nods. ‘Always liked that about you, V.’</p><p>I laugh. ‘I’m almost glad Johnny isn’t here right now. He’d never let me live it down if I even considered believing in tarot cards.’</p><p>‘You miss him, huh?’</p><p>I sigh. ‘All the time. He was a part of me and now he’s not. That was what I wanted, and if we hadn’t separated I’d’ve died, but . . . no matter how I look at it, I lost a friend who was always there, and that hurts.’</p><p>‘You’ve lost a lot of people. Haven’t you?’</p><p>‘I guess. I mean, haven’t we all? No one in Night City can say they haven’t lost someone important to ’em.’</p><p>‘Maybe not.’ She pats my shoulder. ‘You’ll be all right, V. You have a whole new life to begin. A second chance. Or third, depending on your outlook. Make that life your own.’</p><p>I place my hand over hers. ‘How is it you’re this wise, Misty?’</p><p>She laughs. ‘Oh, I’m as lost as anybody.’</p><p>‘But you’ve been my . . . my guide. I’ll never forget that.’</p><p>‘Well, you’re important to me. And you were important to Jackie. What better way to honour his memory than helping his best friend? This isn’t a one-way street, V. I find purpose in helping you, in whatever little way I can.’</p><p>‘Well, that’s good.’ I step back from the counter and her hand drops from my shoulder. ‘I should go. Got some stuff to take care of today. A lot needs doin’ before we set off. But I’ll see you again before I go, I promise.’</p><p>‘Good. I’ll hold you to it. Take care, V.’</p><p>‘You too.’ Then I leave the store.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Considering writing a story about Johnny and Kerry and their friendship. Maybe just a short. I have a lot of thoughts. I haven't read the books, so the game is my only reference. I've learned reading the Cyberpunk fandom wiki that the game contradicts a lot of previously established canon and I've got a lot of headcanons about Samurai.</p><p>One of my friends has an insulin pump. We joke that she's a cyborg now. That's how I thought of V's testo pump. Seems like a nice and easy way to do HRT. Pump would be programmed to release a set amount of hormones at regular intervals.</p><p>I know nothing about tarot, and I'm way too impatient to learn just for a fanfic, so I based Misty's reading on things she says in the game and the descriptions of the tarot cards in the codex.</p><p>Oh, I feed off of comments, fyi. Total slut for 'em. Knowing people like and have thoughts about the things I write can sometimes make me write faster. Just food for thought. :P</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Little Wing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Kerry decides to go with V.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I mean, whirlwind romance doesn't even begin to cover it, right?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There’s a lot to do. I spend the following week making plans with the Aldecaldos, checking up on friends, and generally making preparations. I spend a few nights at Kerry’s place and he spends a couple at mine. But after a few days, I start to get the distinct impression there’s something he’s not telling me. He seems kinda subdued, but I ignore it as best I can; if he wants to tell me, he will.</p>
<p>One evening, a week or so after I got back, I head to the mansion as normal, entering by the front door. ‘Kerry?’ I call. There’s no answer, so I walk in, check the living room. He’s not there, and I head upstairs. I find him in the bedroom, sitting on the bed, head bowed and hands folded between his knees, almost as if in prayer. ‘Ker?’</p>
<p>‘Hey,’ he says softly. He doesn’t look at me, so I sit down next to him and cover his hands with one of mine.</p>
<p>‘Hey. You okay? Is somethin’ wrong?’</p>
<p>He laughs—a short, sharp sound devoid of humour. ‘Is something wrong . . .’ He sighs and finally looks at me. His head’s still bowed and he peers up at me from the corner of his eye. ‘You know, this is the second time in my life I’m losing someone I care about to the fucking Aldecaldos. What’d I ever do to them?’</p>
<p>‘So, that’s what this is about.’ I smile and squeeze his hands. ‘First of all, I doubt it’s personal. Second, you’re not losing me, Ker. Johnny came back and so will I.’</p>
<p>‘Johnny came back after several years.’</p>
<p>‘Well, I’m comin’ back in a couple months. I’ll find the help I need, I’ll come back, and I’ll be all yours.’ I try to catch his eye, but he’s looking away again. ‘Ker, what’s this really about?’</p>
<p>He shakes his head, pulls his hands out of my grasp. ‘Part of me . . . a pretty big part of me is telling me to just end this now,’ he says softly. ‘Before I get in too deep and it becomes too hard to let go.’</p>
<p>It feels like an ice cold fist has punched into my chest cavity and clenched itself around my heart. I swallow the lump in my throat and shake my head. ‘Kerry . . . please don’t—’</p>
<p>Kerry interrupts me. ‘That part of me’s wrong. I’m already in too deep.’ He sighs again, sits back and runs a hand irritably through his hair. ‘Fuck me, V . . . We’ve known each other how long?’</p>
<p>‘Oh, about . . . four weeks? Little less?’</p>
<p>‘God . . . Haven’t fallen for anyone this fast since . . . well, since I met Johnny.’ He lets out another heavy sigh and finally meets my eye again, properly this time. ‘I’m fuckin’ terrified of losing you, V. I’m scared to death, ’cause . . .’ He hesitates.</p>
<p>I reach out with my hand and cup his cheek. ‘’Cause?’</p>
<p>Kerry closes his eyes for a moment, takes a deep breath, and opens them again. ‘Because I love you. Okay? I fuckin’ love you.’</p>
<p>The words are barely out of his mouth before I draw him close and press our lips together, hard. I hold his face with both my hands and kiss him fiercely, trying to show him how I feel because I’m not sure if I can say it out loud without crying. Though even without speaking, I fail at the not crying. Pressing our foreheads together, I can feel tears on my cheeks. ‘I love you too, Ker,’ I choke out. I clear my throat. ‘Fuck . . . I’m sorry.’</p>
<p>Kerry puts his arms around me and I rest my head on his shoulder while he strokes my back. Finally, he says, ‘I wanna go with you.’</p>
<p>I pull back, looking into his eyes. ‘Go with me?’</p>
<p>‘With the Aldecaldos. I wanna come with.’</p>
<p>I blink, staring. ‘Wha—really?’</p>
<p>‘Really.’</p>
<p>‘What about the new album?’</p>
<p>Kerry shrugs. ‘Couple months, right? Label can wait that long. And who knows? Maybe travelling with Nomads will inspire me. Give me some . . . clarity or whatever. Seems to have worked for Johnny.’</p>
<p>‘Okay.’ I smile. ‘Yeah, okay. I’ll call Panam.’ And I’m about to pull her up on the holo, but Kerry kisses me again.</p>
<p>‘Call her later,’ he whispers. ‘Right now, I just need to be with you. Okay?’</p>
<p>‘Okay.’ I pull him into my lap and kiss him deeply. ‘I’m with you, Ker. I’m yours.’</p>
<p>He kisses me back. It’s aggressive and desperate and needy, and soon he’s grinding down on me, moaning into my mouth. ‘V . . . please fuck me! I need you so bad . . .’</p>
<p>‘Whatever you need,’ I whisper. ‘Take whatever you want from me, Ker.’</p>
<p>He practically growls, pushes me down onto the bed and gets off me so he can get at my pants. He opens them unceremoniously, pulls them halfway down my thighs, just enough to expose me. Reaching over to the nightstand, he grabs the box with the packer in it. It’s been living here pretty much permanently. He slots it in; I showed him how it works.</p>
<p>Kerry doesn’t bother getting us completely undressed. He takes off his own pants, reaches for the lube, and I watch as he preps himself, slapping my hands away when I try to help. He does the bare minimum before he straddles me and sinks down on my dick, hands on my chest, holding me down. He stares into my eyes and whispers, ‘Mine!’</p>
<p>I reach up, pulling his t-shirt off him and tossing it aside before putting my arms around his waist and drawing him close so I can kiss him. He breaks the kiss, going for my throat, biting hard before sucking a bruise into my skin. Then he pulls me up into a sitting position, holding onto my shoulders. I push back as he rides me, matching the movements of his hips and holding him close. ‘Kerry . . .’ I whisper his name, over and over. ‘Fuck, Kerry, you’re so tight . . . Gonna—!’ I grit my teeth and come with a loud groan, pressing my forehead into his shoulder and gasping. ‘Ah, Kerry!’</p>
<p>‘So hot,’ he murmurs. ‘Love making you come, V.’</p>
<p>I laugh. ‘Yeah, it’s fun for me too.’ I straighten up and kiss him again. Once I’m no longer shaking with the power of my orgasm, I thrust up to meet him once more, and he cries out as I nudge his prostate. ‘Wonder if I can make you come with just my dick.’</p>
<p>‘Ah! Heh, doubt it. Never happened to me before, and do you know how many people have fucked me?’</p>
<p>‘Challenge accepted,’ I murmur, and before he can protest I’ve flipped us over without pulling out, laying him down under me. I manage to get my pants down to my ankles for better mobility. Pulling my shirt over my head, I hook both his legs over my left shoulder and slam into him, hard, going as deep as I can. Kerry groans, arching his spine, his eyes rolling back. ‘I mean, you said—’ slam, ‘—no one else—’ slam, ‘—ever made you feel this good.’ As I fuck him, I angle my hips to hit his sweet spot with every thrust.</p>
<p>‘V . . . ah! Fuck, Vincent . . . Feels—!’</p>
<p>‘Good?’</p>
<p>Kerry nods. His mouth hangs open, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His cock lies hard and leaking against his stomach, occasionally twitching. I don’t touch it, and when he reaches for it I push his hand out of the way. ‘No.’</p>
<p>‘Please!’ he whines. His voice has risen in pitch and his eyes are shut tight. ‘Please, let me come!’</p>
<p>‘I will,’ I say softly. ‘You’ll come on my cock. Look how close you are, babe.’ As if to illustrate the point, a large amount of pre-cum dribbles from the tip of his swollen cock. ‘You don’t need your hands, Ker. All you need is me.’</p>
<p>Kerry nods. As I keep still for a moment, he swallows and says, ‘Yeah,’ his voice breaking. ‘I . . . I just need you, V . . .’</p>
<p>I start moving again. ‘Good boy.’ It just slips out, but it seems to work for him because he whimpers when I say it. ‘Look at me, Ker. Open your eyes, babe.’ He does, meeting my eye. ‘Be good for me.’ I reach out, run my hand up his side and chest, fingers brushing his stiff nipple. I touch his cheek, running my thumb along his bottom lip. He sucks my thumb into his mouth, staring into my eyes, and it’s my turn to moan at the sight. ‘Fuck . . . so hot. You’re so beautiful, Kerry.’ I note how his thighs are quivering now. He’s close. I pull out a little, explore with shallow thrusts until he groans loudly around my thumb and starts clawing at the sheets, his cock twitching again, and I stay there, courting his prostate with the head of my cock in short staccato movements. ‘Gonna come for me, hm?’ I pull my thumb out of his mouth so he can answer.</p>
<p>His eyes close again. ‘Yeah . . .’</p>
<p>‘No, no. Eyes on me, Ker, or I’ll stop.’</p>
<p>He whimpers again, opening his eyes. ‘No, please, don’t stop! Ah, <em>fuuuck</em>!’</p>
<p>Kerry moans, cries out, and I watch as his cock pulses, a strand of white cum dribbling out. His ass tightens around me, and I grunt, making my thrusts deeper and finally taking his dick in my hand, milking the cum out of him in several more spurts. ‘Ah, fuck, Kerry!’ I groan as I come too.</p>
<p>As I let his legs down on either side of me, his whole body shivers and twitches with aftershocks, and I lower my body, collapsing on top of him, smearing his spending between us. I seem to have rendered him non-verbal, but he puts his arms around me, holding me tightly. I kiss his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat underneath my lips.</p>
<p>‘You okay?’ I ask.</p>
<p>His chest starts to shake before he manages to utter an actual laughing sound. His voice is hoarse and gravelly. ‘Am I okay?’ He keeps laughing, and I prop myself up on my hand so I can see his face, sweaty and red but filled with mirth. He finally manages to stop laughing and looks into my eyes with so much joy and affection it does funny things to my stomach. ‘That was the most amazing, intense experience of my life, V.’ He strokes my cheek and bites his lip. ‘God, I love you.’</p>
<p>I lower my head and kiss his lips softly. ‘I love you too.’ Then I get off him. ‘Come on, need to get cleaned up.’</p>
<p>‘Mm, no, wanna sleep,’ he mumbles. ‘Wore me out.’</p>
<p>‘You can sleep after. Come on, old man.’ And I get out of bed and pull him to his feet, leading him to the bathroom with an arm around his waist. He can barely stand in the shower, but running a bath would take too long, so I wash the cum and the worst of the sweat off him and put him to bed after making him drink a glass of water. Then I go downstairs to call Panam.</p>
<p>‘Hey, V,’ she says when she answers. ‘How’s things? You busy getting ready?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, a lot needs doin’. How’s the family? People gettin’ back on their feet?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, most of ’em are all right. Mitch is still on his back, the lazy bastard, but he’s healin’ too. Can’t set a date for leavin’ until everyone’s up and about, though.’</p>
<p>‘Glad Mitch is improvin’, in any case. Hey, listen . . . there’s somethin’ I need to talk to you about.’</p>
<p>‘Sure. What’s up?’</p>
<p>‘So, you know how I’ve been seeing this guy, Kerry.’</p>
<p>Panam snorts. ‘Yeah, I’m not about to forget that Kerry Eurodyne’s your new input.’</p>
<p>I laugh softly. ‘Yeah. So, anyway . . . today he told me he wants to come with me. With <em>us</em>.’</p>
<p>‘What, seriously?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, surprised the hell outta me too, but . . . I’d really like to bring him along. I . . . I love him. I’m not planning on dyin’, but I’d still like to spend as much time with him as I can, in case . . . Well.’</p>
<p>‘If he’s important to you, of course he can come with us,’ Panam says. ‘Just tell him to bring a guitar. He can pull his weight by entertaining us all.’</p>
<p>‘Heh, I’m sure he’d be happy to do that. He’s happiest when he’s performing.’</p>
<p>‘Well, good. If this’ll make you both happy, I’m all for it. Listen, I got some stuff to do, but I’ll call you later and we can talk about the detes, okay?’</p>
<p>‘Preem. Talk to you later.’</p>
<p>We hang up. Now I gotta figure out what to do about Nibbles. I was planning on leaving her with Kerry, but now he’s coming with that’s no longer an option. Gotta think of something else.</p>
<hr/>
<p>When I wake up the next morning, the other side of the bed is empty, but I can smell coffee, and from downstairs I hear music. I put on a t-shirt and some sweatpants I regularly borrow from Kerry and follow the sound. Kerry’s sitting on the couch by his wall of guitars, playing one of them. Slow and improvisational, a melody I find almost haunting. I stand there watching for a while, leaning against the wall.</p>
<p>‘New song?’ I ask after a little while.</p>
<p>He smiles. ‘No. Old one. Real old, hundred years at least. Taught myself to play this when I was fourteen. It’s by a guy called Hendrix. The things that man did for music, for how people play guitar . . . He was a revolutionary, in more ways than one. Died of a drug overdose before he even had time to turn twenty-eight.’</p>
<p>I sit next to him and watch as he keeps playing, the same riff over again. Then he sings.</p>
<p>‘<em>When I’m sad she comes to me, with a thousand smiles she gives to me free. It’s all right, she says, it’s all right . . . take anything you want from me. Anything, anything . . .</em>’ He gives me a sidelong glance as he keeps plucking the strings and smiles. ‘Thought about it last night. You said that to me. Said I could take whatever I wanted.’</p>
<p>I return his smile. ‘Yeah.’</p>
<p>His smile falters a little. ‘Make sure I don’t take too much, okay?’ He looks down at the guitar. ‘I can be selfish.’</p>
<p>‘That’s okay,’ I say.</p>
<p>He laughs a little. ‘God, you’re so young . . .’</p>
<p>‘What?’ I frown.</p>
<p>Kerry shakes his head. ‘Nothing. I just don’t want you to . . . I dunno. I dunno what I’m sayin’, V. I just want you to be happy.’</p>
<p>‘Long as I’m with you, I am happy,’ I say without hesitation. I lean in and kiss his neck. ‘I love you,’ I whisper in his ear.</p>
<p>‘Love you too,’ he murmurs. His fingers stop playing and he turns his head to kiss me.</p>
<p>‘Wanna go out tonight?’ I ask. ‘We could head to El Coyote Cojo. I’m sure Mama Welles would be happy to see you again.’</p>
<p>‘Nice lady,’ says Kerry, then gives me a searching look. ‘Doesn’t it bother you one bit that your input’s older than your best friend’s mom?’</p>
<p>‘Nope.’ I shake my head, grinning. ‘Not even a little. I mean, it’s not like you act your age, anyway.’</p>
<p>Kerry laughs. ‘You little shit!’ Then he kisses me again. ‘Sure, let’s go out tonight.’</p>
<p>I stand up. ‘I’ve got some shit to take care of. Can pick you up, maybe? ’Round six? And we can stay at my place after. Feel bad about leavin’ Nibbles alone all the time.’</p>
<p>‘Sure, V. Sounds nova.’ Kerry slaps my ass as I turn around. ‘Long as I can have some of this later.’</p>
<p>Laughing, I shake my head. ‘Anything you want. Didn’t I already say that?’</p>
<hr/>
<p>I knock on the door to Barry’s apartment. ‘Hey, Barry? It’s V.’</p>
<p>He opens the door after a few moments. ‘Hey, V!’ He smiles. ‘Been a while. How you been?’ he steps aside, inviting me inside.</p>
<p>‘Good, good. How ’bout you? You look great!’ He does, and so does his apartment. Last time I was here it was littered with dirty laundry and half-empty takeout containers. Now it’s tidied up. Not spotless or anything, but clean. Barry’s shaved and is wearing clean clothes. I smile.</p>
<p>‘Thanks, choom,’ he says. ‘Yeah, I’m doin’ a lot better. Got a job, actually.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, really? Not back on the force?’</p>
<p>‘Nah, I . . . couldn’t handle that. I work construction. I’m built like a brick shithouse; may as well put it to good use.’ He laughs.</p>
<p>I laugh as well. ‘You sure are at that.’ I sit down when he invites me and he passes me a Broseph that I happily accept, popping the cap and taking a swig. ‘Glad to see things are workin’ out for ya.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah. Even thinking of gettin’ back on the market, y’know? Find a new output. Ain’t had anyone in . . . fuck, I don’t even wanna say how long, it sounds pathetic.’</p>
<p>‘Well, you’re a real catch, Barry. Anyone’d be lucky to have you.’ I tap his bottle with mine. ‘To new beginnings.’ We both drink.</p>
<p>‘So what have you been up to?’ he asks.</p>
<p>‘Oh, same old, same old. Merc work. But actually, things are about to change for me too. Kinda what I wanted to talk to you about.’</p>
<p>‘Oh yeah?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah. I’ll be leavin’ town. Prolly givin’ up my apartment.’</p>
<p>‘Leavin’ town? Wow.’</p>
<p>‘Just for a couple months, but I’ll prolly end up movin’ in with my input when I get back, y’know?’</p>
<p>‘Oh, I didn’t know you were seein’ someone. Good for you, choomba.’ He smiles.</p>
<p>‘Thanks. Anyways, I was wonderin’ if you could do me a favour. See, I got this cat. Her name’s Nibbles. Found her eatin’ trash and took ’er in. I can’t really take her with me on the road, so she needs a new home, least while I’m away. I was wonderin’ if I could leave her with you?’</p>
<p>Barry’s face brightens up like a million suns. ‘Oh, yeah! Totally, that’d be nova! I mean, I’d be happy to. I miss havin’ another livin’ thing around.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, she’s super sweet, you’ll love her. She’s happy to be by herself long as she’s got somethin’ to play with, y’know, when you’re workin’. Just love on ’er from time to time and keep her fed, and she’ll be your friend forever. She’s a real good listener too.’</p>
<p>Barry laughs. ‘Thanks for thinkin’ of me, man. I promise I’ll take good care of her.’</p>
<p>‘Preem! I’m leavin’ in a week and a bit, I think. I’ll come by and drop her off before I go, bring all her stuff.’</p>
<p>We chat for a while longer, then I stand up. ‘I should delta. Got a date tonight. Thanks for the beer, man.’</p>
<p>Barry stands to walk me out. ‘You’re welcome. Was nice catching up. I’ll see ya later.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, later.’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The song Kerry plays in this chapter is, of course, <a href="https://youtu.be/0YDBdoWK2qU">Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix</a>. I wrote V's line in the sex scene, and that line from the song came into my head, so had to reference it. It's one of my favourites. </p>
<p>Man, everything's moving so fast for these two. But clearly, it's not been long from the assault on Mikoshi and until the Aldecaldos leave NC. An unspecified number of weeks; the time it took Mitch to heal, basically. And at some point in between there, Kerry decides he's gonna come with.</p>
<p>It felt weird for V to ask it of him, to me. So it had to be an almost spur-of-the-moment thing for Kerry, where he impulsively just goes, well, I want to come with you! Ah, these boys...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. I Feel You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>V forgets his birthday. Kerry helps him celebrate.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Huge thanks and loads of love to Ral (<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ritawheeler/pseuds/ritawheeler">ritawheeler</a>) for betaing this chapter and lending me some confidence. &lt;3</p><p>This chapter is named for a song by Depeche Mode, though the version I hear in my head is <a href="https://youtu.be/_zTI9R8vrOw">this one by Placebo</a>.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kerry and I step inside El Coyote Cojo and are immediately called over to the bar by Pepe. ‘Hey, V! Pull up a seat! The usual?’</p><p>‘Sure, thanks. Kerry?’</p><p>‘The Compa de Heywood? Fuck yeah, I loved that.’</p><p>We both sit down and I get ready to pay, but Pepe shakes his head. ‘Your scratch is no good in here today, hermano.’</p><p>I frown. ‘Why?’</p><p>‘Why?’ Pepe repeats. ‘It’s your birthday, right?’</p><p>I blink. ‘Is . . . is today June tenth?’ I check my calendar and, yup, there it is. How the hell did that happen?</p><p>‘Wait, today’s your birthday, V?’ Kerry asks. ‘Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?’</p><p>I shake my head, smiling. ‘Honestly? I forgot. So much has been happenin’ lately, I . . . fuck, I didn’t even realise what date it was.’</p><p>‘How are you that brilliant and still this much of a fucking gonk?’ Kerry murmurs and leans in to kiss my temple. ‘Happy birthday, Vincent.’ The touch of his lips sends warmth through my whole body. I put my head on his shoulder for a moment.</p><p>‘Wow, he knows your real name and everything?’ Pepe sets down our drinks in front of us, grinning. ‘You must be serious about him. Sit tight, I’ll tell Mama Welles you’re here.’</p><p>Kerry sips his drink and shakes his head at me, smiling. ‘You seriously forgot your own birthday?’</p><p>‘Never gonna let me live this down, are ya?’ I say, pretending to be annoyed, but I let him kiss me before I take a swig of my own drink. ‘Y’know, I used to spend all my birthdays here. It was kind of a tradition before I went to Atlanta. It’s nice to be here again.’</p><p>‘We should throw you a real party, though,’ says Kerry. ‘Invite all your friends. We can do it at my place!’ He grins.</p><p>I blink, surprised, though I’m not sure why I feel that way. Yesterday he told me he loved me. Is it really so far-fetched that he’d want to throw me a birthday party? ‘Really? You wanna throw me a party at your house?’</p><p>‘And why not? You’re my input. Wanna do somethin’ special for you.’ He sits back and takes a sip of his drink. ‘I remember my twenty-eighth. Kind of a big deal in the life of a young rocker.’</p><p>‘Oh yeah? Why?’</p><p>‘Means you didn’t join the 27 Club. Remember that musician I talked about this morning? Jimi Hendrix? How he died of an overdose before he turned twenty-eight? Been a whole bunch of rock musicians through the years who passed at twenty-seven. There were some contemporaries of his—Jim Morrison, Brian Jones, Janis Joplin—who all died at that age. And legendary blues pioneer Robert Johnson, him too.’ Kerry takes another sip. ‘I mean, it’s not real, it’s just a superstition. No more musicians have died at twenty-seven than any other age. But it’s a thing, y’know? You’re a musician and you hit twenty-eight without flatlining, you dodged a bullet. And given the rockerboy lifestyle, it’s damn near miraculous so many of us do.’</p><p>‘Well,’ I say, taking a drink, ‘I’m sure glad you did.’</p><p>Kerry’s grin softens into a gentle smile. ‘Me too, V.’ He raises his glass. ‘To the birthday boy!’</p><p>I clink my glass against his. ‘Thanks, Kerry.’</p><p>A moment later, Pepe returns with Mama Welles. She hugs me, admonishing me for forgetting my own birthday.</p><p>‘I’m throwing him a party,’ Kerry says. ‘Thinkin’ Saturday. That good for you, V?’</p><p>‘Uh, yeah. Sure.’</p><p>‘You should both come,’ he tells Pepe and Mama Welles. ‘At least for a little bit, if you can get away from the bar for a couple hours.’</p><p>‘Actually got the evening off,’ says Pepe with a grin.</p><p>‘I’ll have to see,’ says Mama Welles, ‘but thank you for the invitation.’</p><p>‘C’mon, V,’ says Kerry, squeezing my shoulder. ‘Send out some invites! To anyone you want.’</p>
<hr/><p>When we get back to my place that night, I just about have time to check Nibbles’ food and water and make sure her toilet’s clean before Kerry’s on me. He ambushes me in the bathroom, pressing me up against the sink and sliding his tongue into my mouth. ‘So,’ he whispers. ‘What can I do for you tonight, birthday boy?’</p><p>I check my HUD; it’s already past midnight, and I smile. ‘Technically not my birthday anymore.’</p><p>‘Yeah, well, if I’d known it was your birthday, I’d’ve given you your birthday fucking this morning, but as it is we’ll have to make do with now.’ He lowers his head, bites into my throat, sucking a bruise into my skin. ‘I’d like to spoil you, so tell me what you want.’ He sucks my earlobe into his mouth, nibbling at it while he slides a hand up under my shirt to play with my nipples, and I hiss, throwing back my head and arching my back. His hands feel electric.</p><p>‘Fuck, Ker . . . I don’t know. I . . . just want you . . .’</p><p>‘Hmm,’ he hums, licking the shell of my ear. ‘How to make it special . . .’ He pulls back. ‘You got any toys?’</p><p>I blink. ‘Toys?’</p><p>‘Yeah. Dildo, butt plug, anything like that?’</p><p>I blush, looking away. ‘Uh, yeah. Under the sink.’</p><p>Kerry gets to his knees and opens the drawer. ‘Wow, you’ve got a small arsenal in here.’ He takes out a vibrator, two butt plugs of different sizes, and a glass dildo that’s just a little smaller than his cock. He nods, looking satisfied. ‘This I can work with.’</p><p>I stand up straight, licking my lips. ‘What are you planning?’</p><p>He gives me a mischievous smile. ‘You’ll see.’ Then he smacks my ass. ‘Go get a shower, get cleaned up. Leave the rest to old Ker.’ He picks up the toys and leaves the bathroom, and I do as I’m told.</p><p>I wore my packer today, but all the toys make me think his plans don’t involve it, so I take it off and leave it on the sink. Then I thoroughly clean myself out before leaving the bathroom naked. Kerry’s sitting on the couch watching TV, still dressed in leather pants and a white tank top, though his vest has been discarded at the end of the couch. As I step out, he looks up at me with hunger in his eyes.</p><p>‘Perfect,’ he says as he stands. He steps up to me, putting his arms around my waist and drawing me close. ‘I wonder,’ he murmurs against my mouth, ‘how many times I can make you come tonight.’ His words send shivers down my spine. His lips brush mine in the lightest of butterfly kisses, but before I can kiss him back he’s stepped away again. ‘Lie down on your stomach.’</p><p>Heart fluttering, I go over to the bed and lie down as instructed, pillowing my head on my arms and looking at him in anticipation. Kerry sits down at the edge of the bed. It feels weird that he’s fully dressed while I’m naked. I wanna tell him to take his clothes off, but I’m curious as to what he has planned, so instead I just wait. Kerry gets the lube and spreads some over his fingers. He slides them down the cleft of my ass to my hole and slowly slips one inside. I utter a small groan.</p><p>‘You okay with all this?’ Kerry asks, studying my face. I nod. ‘If I do something you don’t like or you want me to stop, you’ll tell me, right?’</p><p>I smile. ‘Do we need a safeword?’</p><p>Kerry laughs. ‘I don’t think that’ll be necessary. Just listen to your body and be honest, okay?’ He leans down, puts his mouth close to my ear and whispers, ‘Tonight is all about you, babe. All I want is for you to feel amazing.’</p><p>‘You always make me feel that way.’</p><p>He laughs softly again. Slipping another finger inside me, he murmurs, ‘I love you, V. Gonna show you how much.’</p><p>I moan as his fingers slide in and out, his confession somehow enhancing the feeling. He kisses the back of my neck and shoulders, scraping his teeth over my skin and licking a trail to my ear, sucking on my earlobe. Then he pulls his fingers out and reaches for the pile of toys, grabbing the smaller of the butt plugs. He pushes it in, little by little, while he massages my asscheek with his other hand. I gasp as the plug sinks inside me. I feel myself getting wet. Kerry gives my ass a gentle slap and I grunt.</p><p>‘Seemed to like this last time I did it,’ he says. ‘Did you?’</p><p>I nod, my cheeks flushed. ‘Yeah.’ It’s a little embarrassing to admit.</p><p>‘What if I do it harder? Do you still like it?’ He smacks me again, harder this time.</p><p>I moan. ‘Uh! Y—yes . . .’</p><p>‘Good to know.’ He wipes his fingers on a wet wipe, then goes lower, sliding them inside my cunt. ‘Wet already, hm? I must be doing this right.’ He smacks my ass a third time. This time I cry out.</p><p>‘Keep going,’ I say. He shifts a little and starts spanking my ass while he fingers me. I arch my back, raising myself up on my elbows and letting my head hang down. ‘Fuck . . .’ I whisper between moans and groans. ‘Fuck yeah . . . Ah, god!’</p><p>‘Such a good boy for me,’ Kerry murmurs.</p><p>Just as my asscheeks are starting to sting, he stops, pulling his fingers out of me again. He kisses the back of my neck and then reaches for a bottle of body lotion he must have taken from the bathroom earlier. He rubs some on my ass. It stings a little, but it’s soothing. Then he starts running his hands up my back, massaging me. As he starts rubbing my shoulders, he straddles my ass, and I become suddenly very aware of the plug, which moves a little when he sits down.</p><p>‘God, V, you’re so hot,’ he says. ‘Not sure how I managed to attract someone like you, but I musta done somethin’ right.’</p><p>I sigh happily. ‘You must have.’ I smile into the pillow. His touch makes me feel so relaxed.</p><p>After a little while, Kerry gets off me again, and I mourn the loss of his weight on my ass. But then I look sideways at him and realise he’s getting undressed. I watch as he takes off his clothes, the gold of his cyberwear glinting in the low light of my apartment. When his pants come off, I see that he’s hard and I unconsciously lick my lips, longing to taste. Somehow, though, I don’t think he means for me to suck him off tonight.</p><p>‘Get on your back,’ he instructs. I do, and he positions himself between my legs, hooking my knees over his shoulders, and lowers his head, sucking my biodick inside his mouth. I gasp. He’s never done this for me before, and I assumed it’s because he’s not really into pussy, but he could have fooled me with how enthusiastically he goes down on me now, licking and sucking. He uses his fingers on me again while he does.</p><p>Heat spreads from my core, and before long I’m panting, moaning, grasping at the sheets. I slide my fingers into his white hair and pull a little harder than I mean to. Kerry groans, sending vibrations through my whole body. ‘Fuck, Kerry . . .’ I arch my back. ‘Ah, god, I’m gonna come!’ Every part of me goes taut, my thighs shaking as I buck my hips. He licks me through it, then sits up, looking extremely pleased with himself. ‘Holy fuck,’ I murmur.</p><p>‘That’s one,’ he says, grinning.</p><p>I take a few deep breaths. ‘Oh . . . so you’re counting?’</p><p>Kerry laughs. He wipes his mouth, then lies down on top of me and kisses me gently on the lips. ‘Wanna be inside you,’ he whispers. His words make me wimper slightly because I really want that.</p><p>‘Fuck yeah,’ I manage, spreading my legs apart. He enters me slowly, forehead pressed to mine, and I gasp, loving the way he feels inside me. ‘So good, Ker . . .’</p><p>He kisses me again and starts to move his hips, fucking me in slow, deep thrusts. I push back against him, wrap my legs around his waist. He’s hitting all the right spots and soon I’m a panting mess again, eyes squeezed shut. ‘You gonna come for me again, babe?’ he asks.</p><p>I nod. ‘Yeah . . . ah, fuck!’ My whole body trembles, and I find his lips, drawing him into a deep kiss and moaning into his mouth.</p><p>Once I’ve come down a little bit, he pulls out, still hard. He didn’t come.</p><p>‘Fuck . . .’ I manage weakly.</p><p>‘Good?’</p><p>‘Yeah . . .’ I take a few deep breath, trying to slow my racing heart. It only helps a little. I feel hot and sweaty and still turned on, and I want more.</p><p>‘Well, we’re not done yet. Got plenty more toys here . . .’ He flashes me a wicked grin, and I laugh.</p><p>‘You’re gonna wreck me, Kerry.’</p><p>‘That is one hundred percent the intention,’ he says and leans down to kiss me. ‘Besides, you’re due some payback after what you did to me last night . . .’</p><p>He reaches for the vibrator. One end is a g-spot vibrator, while the other end curves up to stimulate my dick. He doesn’t insert it, just holds it over my dick and turns it on, on a low setting at first. He operates it with his implants, cranking it up slowly, a little at a time, sending shocks through my system. I’m shaking again, feel like I’m short circuiting. Then, just as I hit my peak, Kerry takes hold of the base of the buttplug and pulls it out, and I cry out so loud I worry my neighbours will think I’m dying.</p><p>‘Fuck! Oh, shit . . . Kerry, I can’t . . . !’</p><p>He switches the vibe off, looking down at me with a glint of amusement in his blue eyes. ‘Too much?’ he asks silkily.</p><p>‘No, just . . . intense. Christ . . .’</p><p>‘Okay, just breathe for a little bit, babe.’ Kerry strokes my cheek, shaking his head. ‘God, you’re beautiful. And you’re mine.’</p><p>I take his hand and press his palm to my lips. ‘Prove it to me,’ I whisper.</p><p>‘Prove what?’</p><p>‘That I’m yours. Show me.’</p><p>Kerry kisses me again and picks up the vibrator. This time, he inserts it. He doesn’t turn it on straight away, instead picking up the lube. ‘Get on your stomach again.’</p><p>I do as he says, and then his fingers are there again, sliding into my ass, stretching it open. He gets behind me, lubes his cock up, and pushes it inside. As he does, he activates the vibe, once again at a low setting. It sets my whole body tingling. Kerry gives my sore ass another smack, then stretches out, putting his full weight on top of me. He takes my wrists in his hand and presses them down into the mattress. Kissing the back of my neck, he begins to move.</p><p>‘Mine,’ he whispers in my ear, before biting down on the back of my neck. That word, that one word, makes me shiver with joy.</p><p>He’s relentless and without mercy. Kerry claims my ass for his own, fucking into me with complete abandon, all the while upping the intensity of the vibe. I feel so full, but I want to feel fuller, so I pull one of my wrists out of his grasps and take his hand, sucking two of his fingers into my mouth. They taste like me and they taste like him. Now. <em>Now</em> I’m full, and I lose all concept of time and place. All there is, is Kerry. The rest of the world all falls away and I’m lost in him. Every thrust draws a moan or whimper from me.</p><p>Kerry slows down a little and murmurs, ‘You okay, V?’</p><p>What are words? I don’t think I could speak even if my mouth weren’t full of Kerry’s fingers. But I manage a nod, and a quiet, ‘Mhm . . .’ and he seems satisfied, picking up speed again. The air is heavy with the smell and sound of sex. I hear his pants and groans near my ear, feel his hot body pressed to mine. The combined sensation of his cock in my ass and the vibrator stimulating both my dick and my g-spot pushes me over the edge into a sea of pure pleasure. I can hardly breathe, and I cry out around his fingers as I come again and again.</p><p>‘Fuck, V, you’re so tight . . .’ Kerry gasps. ‘Shit, I’m gonna come . . . I—’ His words turn into a guttural groan as he spears himself deep inside me. Then he fucks into me a few more times before coming to a stop, and he pulls his fingers out of my mouth. The vibe’s still going, though, and I’m practically sobbing now with the intensity of it all.</p><p>Finally, I manage to say, ‘Stop . . . I can’t . . .’ and Kerry switches the thing off.</p><p>‘Are you okay?’ He rolls off me and pulls me into his arms. ‘Was that too much? I’m sorry, babe.’</p><p>I shake my head, nuzzling his chest. ‘No, I’m . . . I’m okay. I’m fine.’ I laugh. ‘Better than fine. Shit, Ker . . . that was . . .’ I can’t really find the right words, so I fall silent again.</p><p>Kerry kisses my forehead and my temple. He cups my jaw and tilts my head up so he can kiss my cheek and my eyelids, and finally my lips. It’s a soft and gentle kiss, all feeling and comfort. He smiles at me. ‘I love you so much, V.’</p><p>‘I love you too.’ I smile back. ‘God, I haven’t felt this way in . . . maybe ever. I’ve mostly had a long line of shitty boyfriends. You’re . . . just amazing, Kerry.’</p><p>‘No, I’m not.’ He hugs me tightly and kisses the side of my face several times. ‘But I wanna be good for you, Vincent. I’m . . . I’m trying to be.’</p><p>‘Well, you’re doing a great job so far.’ I yawn, feeling my eyes slipping shut.</p><p>‘No, no,’ Kerry says. ‘Clean up before sleep. You’ll feel gross in the morning.’</p><p>I smile. ‘Never feel gross with you.’</p><p>He shakes his head and laughs, then gets out of bed and helps me to my feet. ‘C’mon,’ he murmurs. ‘Let’s shower together.’ He spares a forlorn glance for the second butt plug and the glass dildo, sighing dramatically. ‘Sorry, friends. We’ll make use of you next time.’</p><p>I laugh, leaning on him as he guides me to the bathroom. I feel boneless and fucked out, and indescribably happy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! If you liked it, leave a comment! If you didn't like it, leave a comment and tell me why! And if you wanna follow me on Twitter, I'm <a href="https://twitter.com/thorn_wilde">@thorn_wilde</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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